Vision

I wrote a paper about it. I tried so hard to make it clear, have you experience it. Even now, writing this, I am struggling to find the right words to communicate what I'm thinking. It's hard, you see, because thoughts are fleeting things. In seven pages, I was unable to show you.

I hate formating on this thing; It is awful. Ambiguous Buttons stick. For shame, Blooger, Myspace does a better job than this.


Damn home teachers.
I'm glad they left, it would have been awkward and they were interrupting. I would have asked them to come back some other time, I think. Anyways..

In seven pages, I had hoped to show you what it is like, but honestly, I cannot tell you what that is; I have nothing with which to contrast it. I can try to tell you the differences between Derek and derek, but it is a construction, and I can not be sure of its accuracy in its imitation.

I was thinking, between the sparkling snowflakes that I struggle to distinguish from a side-effect that manifests in a similar flashing fashion and plots of snow-warriors, that film would be-or might be- a more ideal medium to communicate the condition.

The worst part is not knowing how different it is on the other side.

If I were to direct a film about it, or a person with it, or whatever, I think I know how I would do. I doubt I could, it seems far too ambitious for me and I would tire of it-or rather lose interest rather quickly. But if I were consulting a director on how to film it, something I feel far more capable of doing, or something (damn self-doubt, you plague me!). I run on in sentences often. I apologize; I do not wish to bore you. I may never manage to distance my self from myself in this posting to speak it, so I present a fractional bit I wrote down as I started to channel myself into a final of mine:

How I would direct a movie about a person with Adhd, spotlight camera>only one, or few things could be seen at once, other things would jump out at other times, the camera would not always be focused on what was happening, dialogue would sometimes fade into the background, things would speed up and slow down, things like that [mention this to show what I wanted to express in the paper]

Later I realized the best way to put it was that my mind has tunnel vision. Only one thought can occupy me at a time, and they shift frequently to compensate for the (precieved) capacity of others to focus on more than one thing at a time. So often I lament the brilliantly phrased idea that flees my narration, it rarely persists long enough for me to write it down, by that time it is so muddled by my trying to remember it that it looks so little like the original idea, which I suppose I merely could have thought to be grander than it really was, that it scarcely seems like I should have writ it down at all. See? There I just did it. Shame.