Because We Can

Honestly, I was a little worried. Partly because I wasn't sure how stable the methylene blue would be at high temperatures (still a little worried about this) and partly because I didn't have enough eggs to make multiple batches if I burned them and whatnot. I'm eating the first piece now.

I want the Internet to know: if this kills me, it was worth it.

Because this brownie is great. It's so delicious and moist!

We Do What We Must

I'm going to go try one of the brownies now. In the meantime, I found this amusing. I wonder how much they actually copied.

Texas School 'Borrows' Honor Code from BYU : NPR

A prank that does involve altering body chemistry

I've been looking forward to this for a while. You can see the methylene blue on the left, contained within two baggies as it stains almost anything. The dye seems to have spilled most likely when I stowed it. I didn't add any Ex-lax, but I think it really makes the camera phone picture that much better.
I followed the recipe on the box, although not well. I forgot to add some special chocolate syrup that came with it. I eyeballed the methylene blue until the mix had a distinctive green coloration. In addition to the methylene blue, I poured a bag of chocolate chips into the mix too. I guess I didn't really follow the instructions. Brownie mix effectively hid the usual bitter taste!
It looked disgusting.
Luckily, the green color faded when baked. I'm eating some of the batter now, which is slightly more viscous than usual brownie batter, but still delicious!

A prank that doesn't involve altering body chemistry

Wired has an article about April Fool's Day. Here is a contribution of my own:

April 1st will soon be upon on us. I have a few minor ideas of my own I plan to implements and one rather large one I won't be able to. Because I won't be able to execute it this year (I have in years past with various results), I've decided I would like to share with you. It's nothing too great, but it is a fun night and pays off for a few weeks, depending on how effective you are. It's also not that expensive, depending on your scale. You could have a great run under ten dollars, and I wouldn't suggest trying to hit more than 200 targets really. We took a few hours (perhaps less, it seemed like a long time because we waited until 1am before we embarked) with only approximately 75 bands (we had 100 initially, but many broke due to poor quality), but we were also dodging the retarded (and needless) police force of Rexburg, Idaho. Whatever, I'm not there anymore.

This is how it is done: You must purchase zip-ties, or Gardner Benders, or whatever. This is easy, the are sold in many establishments and often in large amounts. You may desire many different sizes, and I encourage you to avoid anything smaller than five inches in total length untied as these are difficult to manipulate under the cover of darkness. Likewise, anything above eight inches may be unwieldy. Luckily, this prank may involve many different sizes and still work effectively.

I should probably note that I am unaware of the legality of this prank. As with all pranks, you should avoid being caught. I suggest a reconnaissance mission ahead of time to better play your (escape) route and just to save time later. In my case, this includes knowing where your going to avoid getting lost.

But what are you looking for? Bike racks. Lots of bike racks. You and your party will visit these under cover of darkness, or whenever you feel comfortable, with your zip ties. You'll need to ration out the ties ahead of time to ensure efficiency.

Next comes the difficult part:
YOU MUST RESIST THE TEMPTATION TO SECURE THE BICYCLE TO ANY OTHER OBJECT.
While hilarious, this is not the intention of this prank. If you would like to take it in this direction, you have my blessing. Fasten the tie around the frame (not the spokes!) of the bike (front or back tire) such that the loose end of the tie sticks into the spokes of the tire, as pictured below. Try to avoid placement which would interfere with the bicycle chain, for this reason shorter ties are recommended as well, although longer ties may wrap more easily around the thicker frame of the front tire.

Please note that in the picture, I tied a child's bicycle so a smaller tie was necessary than you will likely need or desire, but the placement is correct.

When done correctly, the bicycle should now emit a distinctive clicking sound (think baseball card in the spokes) as it rolls forward (some of you may have done this when you were little because it is kind of neat). Depending on how tight your zip ties were, they may be very difficult to remove. The real joy of this prank comes from hearing that clicking sound and riders pass you. Some people might even enjoy this, and you can have the distinct warm fuzzy feeling when you hear it knowing that you did that. I found that the real fun of this prank was just as much the acts of stealth (flip out!) as it was seeing the ties on bikes weeks later. This may have had something to do with my silly Canadian roommate at the time putting the ties on the spokes, which I told him not to do multiple times! He was really sorry aboot it though.

Of course, all of these pranks have their merits as well.

Look for Leo Trotsky: Superstar next year

I did very little today. I guess I added some people on FaceSpace, but I'm not sure that's an accomplishment, even during spring break. I woke up a little late and watched this show, Masterminds, which was pretty interesting. It chronicles heists and the like and how the masterminds behind them carried them out and eventually got caught, usually through no fault of their own but a random variable they could never have accounted for. I'd be more interested in seeing the guys who get away with it, but that's unrealistic.

Speaking of unrealistic things, I just got back from another night of the Faux Film Festival, which I mentioned before (shameless back referencing!). Aside from some weird weather, it was great once again. We arrived a little late and missed the first bit of Piggyback, which was amazing. The director was there for a Q&A (from which the title of this post is derived) after the shorts and I told him I liked his film and got a copy of the cards featured in the film. There were two shorts by group called Cleverscripts and even a few animated features, all enjoyable. Some of the most enjoyable, specifically one called Box Wars, I lack the search-fu to find, or they simply may not have a web presence. The interesting thing about Box Wars, id est suits and weapons made of cardboard, is that it is apparently very real, which makes its inclusion in the satire night all the more delicious. Some perhaps buried under other things with similar names (I wish I could refer people to you, Stalls, but your name is just too generic). I need to link to the homepage of Expendable, which was absolutely amazing, before I embed the video below and I don't know that the creator's of either On Poisoning Birds or Torsten Kretchzmar: I Know What Girls Like have websites, although you can view their videos on YouTube. One of the film festivals Expendable has been featured in uploaded it to YouTube (see below), although there are additional videos you should definitely check out.



Next was the movie Sexina: Popstar P.I. which was probably the campiest movie I've ever seen. I loved it. I really don't know what to say about it. I mean, it had Adam West in it and a plot that included robots, ninjas, and a bear--but not all at once, sadly. Now that I think about it, there was quite a bit a leather too. I got a piece of popcorn stuck in my teeth and that bothered me for like the whole second act. Still bothering me actually. Brb, floss.

You can read Steve's account of the evening here. Apparently, this blagonet thing is catching on.

I have occasionally thought to go to Hot Topic and purchase an outfit for the sole purpose of disguise.

I feel a little guilty about using this image, but it makes me laugh a little.

I'm weird. This must be disclosed before I address my topic, which seems a little weird to me. But I'm weird, so maybe this is normal? I don't know! Let me begin:

I don't really listen to music. The last CD I got was the soundtrack to Enchanted, and it was a gift, although I recently grabbed the title music to Team Fortress 2 off Pirate Bay. I was a total band geek in high school and into college. I listened exclusively to jazz with an almost hipster-like superiority complex. This was before I discovered the wonders of public and talk radio, of course. I was really into the Aquabats for a while too, but I think that had as much to do with the superhero persona they adopt as their chipper lyrics. I ventured briefly into worlds of rock in more forlorn periods (bawww!), but never so much as to integrate any sort of music into my identity or espouse any sort of cause or attitude. An exception could be argued for jazz in my case, but in my standing as white kid from the suburbs, I don't think anyone is going to accuse me of swinging. Certainly, not enough to dictate my style. But it's been a long time since I favored jazz and I don't actively dislike any sort of music, except when it is conveyed with an aura arrogance (but that is not the fault of the music but its patrons). Perhaps my musical background could be described as apathetic, a musical outsider.

This is what I find interesting. I find it a little hard to imagine, or rather to empathize, with either group, especially when they come to violence! It seems a little silly, especially when I had initially read the boingboing post about it. Perhaps it is become the subcultures I have participated in seem to revolve around happy times and jello. A perverse part of me secretly wishes to witness these events, if only for confirmation that such things exist, and I am loathe to admit this about myself. At the same time, I can't help but imagine the Sharks and the Jets a little in some sort of musical tumult. And It reminds me a little of this. But maybe it's not all bad and I'm probably missing the point; it's not really about fashion.

I remain somewhat glad that I have never experienced the auditory epiphany necessary to devote myself to a form a musical expression so fully. Maybe I'm missing out.

Faux Post

I just got back from the 4th Annual Faux Film Festival held in the historic Hollywood Theatre. I feel I should mention I heard about it here so I can add the public broadcasting tag to this post. This, of course, meant taking the Metro Access Express, but I'll get to that in a moment. As the name suggests, the festival revolves around "Spoofs, Satires, Parodies, Mocumentaries." Tonight they showed Faux Commercials and Movie Spoofs, tomorrow will be Satire and Parody, Sunday will be SciFi/Horror. I'll probably post about those nights too.

The evening was divided into two parts, short films and a feature. There were about 20 short films shown in the first segment, followed by a Q&A with some of the directors and brief intermission and then Being Michael Madsen. Some of the shorts were not short enough, and others were of amazing quality (specifically one German film that I can't seem to locate). I've embedded two of the best below and a link to a third here.

I was surprised by the Michael Madsen film. The title is a little misleading; it has nothing to do with either Being John Malkovich or Being Julia. At first, I didn't know where it was going and it took me an embarassing amount of time to realize that this was Mr. Blonde. I'm not entirely certain I have the jargon to describe this film. I want to say deconstructionist or something, but I don't know the correct words. It was weird and for the first half hour (at least) it was just talking heads like a traditional documentary, but then it really got going with a documentary within a documentary. It had layers to it and most of the action is told rather than seen. I really enjoyed it, but I also really enjoy Christopher Guest films so you should use that as a barometer. It also had a brief appearance by Lacey Chabert, whom I always find agreeable.

What I find less agreeable is teenagers shouting things on the MAX, but what can I do? Eavesdrop, laugh at them secretly, and text humorous observations to my moblog? Yep.

Sexual Omnivores

The gibbon will never threaten to stab you, and in fact, cannot speak. In the event that the gibbon does speak, please disregard its advice.

Given the liberties of obscurity, I am free to post a link to this story which ties in quite well with this past post and reminds me of this program without anyone thinking I have some sort of preoccupation with monkeys. But really, it's only for gibbons.

Man Flips Out; Video Games Blamed

I'm a big fan of ninjas. In the war between Pirates and Ninjas, I am torn between my allegiance to His Noodliness and my desire to flip out. This story, however, is totally bogus. It is true that sometimes ninjas stab, but the correlation between the video game and the violence they try to make here is preposterous. Why? He bought the game after he stabbed the man, thus the game could not have influenced him to stab the man, barring some sort of event. Obviously the tendency to stab (the poke quotient?) was already present before the video game could have had any affect. Although, he did go on a stabbing spree, so he did flip out. The ninja video game is, at best, another expression of his ninjaness (or is it ninjativity?)

Suspect played ninja video game : National : DAILY YOMIURI ONLINE (The Daily Yomiuri)

The Magic is in the Links

I'm going to have to keep this post short before the cat tries to sit on my laptop again. This gets the typical response from internet friends.

I just finished watching the second half of Bush's War that I taped from PBS. Will the vocubulary change now that we no longer use tapes to record? It was very good, and very detailed. I found the first half much more insightful that the second, perhaps because I was in high school during the Bush's first term and was greatly concerned with events, while the second half dealt with the execution of the war rather than the run-up which took place largely behind closed doors. I found the entire thing rather unsettling, not unlike another Frontline Special. I don't really want to go on about how I view the present administration, but I recommend Frontline for anyone who can sit through the 4+ hours of content in this case. I especially enjoy the intense zoom into the black and white photos for dramatic effect. That never gets old.

Angelica Thornton just spilled water on herself during a break. Hot.

Nightline has a special on about Gorda, California. It's actually quite charming. Well, not the story, but the people.

Lastly, am I the only one who finds watching the relationship status changes on FaceSpace absolutely fascinating? Even for people I only marginally care about, it's fun to try and piece together the mystery.

This post has rounded itself off rather nicely. I am pleased.

All Hail! King of the Losers!

I had an exciting day yesterday. I went on a date with a lesbian yesterday. This is not entirely true, but I love heuristics and it makes for a better story. Especially the part where we went to Powell's and she asked me what kind of books I like and I while I was at a loss, she quickly volunteered that she was a fan of books found in the purple section. She also found my use of Heelys absolutely hilarious and we had a conversation about the amazing belt buckle knife and local gun law. I shall stop my description here, because I am a gentleman. I am very glad I participated in this experience if for no other reason than replay value, a phrase I am using in the wrong context. Also, it was enjoyable. A date with a lesbian is the gift that keeps on giving.

After this I went to debrief with a friend. His response was, of course, to repeatedly shake his head and say, "I can't believe you went on a date with a lesbian," while we played Guitar Hero and cruised the FaceSpace. He must have said that at least fifteen times while we talked about how hot Kari Byron is. He also tried to teach me the proper use of FaceSpace, or at very least, check profiles more thoroughly. I'll get right on it.

Exception for Alyson Hannigan

For some reason my ForecastFox keeps telling me there is a SEVERE WEATHER ALERT for Beaverton, Oregon. It started sprinkling when I drove to get my haircut, it was pretty awesome. It almost messed up my haircut, which apparently looks like "Dumb and Dumber" according to my family. They are always so supportive, although I tend to agree, and, in fact, anticipated this.

Perhaps it could have been avoided. I imagine in some sort of stop-time event with the big Δ flashing on the screen in front of my face or something. Unlike my siblings, I strive to be as non confrontational as possible. It's all part of my ninja-esque strategy of flying under the radar as much as possible. This, unfortunately, includes when I get a haircut. Every question I was asked I simply replied affirmative, even when I wasn't completely sure what was being asked. This was probably a bad idea. Oh well, I wear a hat.

How I Met Your Mother is about to start, a show I generally enjoy, although it has it's poorer moments. I expect tonight to be one of those. CBS keeps compromising the show, which I feel stands just fine on its own, with guest stars like Enrique Iglesias, Mandy Moore, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, and tonight, Britney Spears. It reminds me of what happened with Scrubs with guest stars, which jumped the shark some time ago. Interestingly, Sarah Chalke is on tonight's episode. In the time it's taken me to type all this and provide adequate links, the show has started. I'll get back to this whole blagging thing later.

Cyber Space

I've been experiencing issues with my laptop spacebar so we'll see. Oh damn it. I was trying to do the auto-correct for "space bar" and I accidentally added it to the internal dictionary. Spacebar no longer has a space. I almost did the same thing with auto-correct, which would have been more pathetic than funny. It seems to have resolved itself for now, like it popped itself back into to place, or something more insidious. Does it bother anyone else profoundly that they have not proven what causes your knuckles to crack? I think I might lose sleep over that, though more likely I'll stay up late to watch Erin Burnett on Meet the Press.

I had planned to get a haircut today. I always hate doing that. When I was little, I somehow convinced my dad that I didn't really need a full haircut, and I really just needed a trim because longer hair would keep my head warm and for some reason, this was vitally important. I don't know why this worked, but it seemed to, although my mom made him take me back. I think it was that moment I discovered my vast potential. I'm really having a hard time motivating myself to go. Also, I've been really disappointed with the quality of my haircuts in the past and suggestions to ask the barber hairstyle technician to style my hair after a particular television character have always been met with failure and embarrassment on my part. I probably deserved that one, and it was a hit show at the time, so who knew it would turn out so badly? Fortunately, I've never had the same person twice (high turnover rate?) so my shame has never had the opportunity to stack. I'm exaggerating a bit. Afterall, I wear a hat.

Sometimes I'm tempted to look at those magazines they have out. Those are there so you can say, hey, I want the page three, right? I never know and I don't want to be the guy to ask. They often appear hopelessly out of date. I have never once seen a pompadour on the cover. What is with that? Although they are always filled with beautifully airbrushed women. I decided years ago when I had to work in HABA that the girls they feature on those hair dye boxes are exceptionally beautiful. Seems like a weird gig though. I mean, do they do burnt sienna color exclusively? Or can they cross over and do raw auburn (rawburn!)? Are their contracts exclusive? These are the things that keep me up at night.

Finally, I would like to direct your attention to this. It seems laughable now, but when the number one website was hamster dance, it made a lot of good points. Good times. Sorta. I would like to point out that there were over 2700 hits to the search I just linked to. The majority of which are the same Avenue Q song cut to Naruto/Teen Titans/Kingdom Hearts/et cetera ad nauseam. I don't want to argue whether Mr. Stoll was right (he was certainly wrong about it catching on), but I hope he recognizes now that the Internet is serious business.

Think happy thoughts!

I wasn't going to post anything today because making a snide comment about Zombie Jesus Day seemed beneath me. Oh whoops. There's some great Cyanide and Happiness on the subject if you want to look. Or not. Whichever!

But then I saw this on the bOingbOIng. It's like the complete inversion of Obama Girl or the knockoff, Hot4Hill. So much so that I can't decide if it's satire (or an insidious smear campaign), unlike this which is unfortunately very real. While it reaches the inversion very, very quickly, this does nothing to make it less appalling. Some of the comments on bOingbOing are pretty great in themselves:

Girl on the right in black, I'd knock her up.

Did she really just splash a whole handful of tiny John McCains on her face?

Dr. Jardin, may I have my unicorn chaser now, please?

Of course, someone made the obligatory Chocolate Rain reference, although nothing can be said that the video does not properly express. I especially appreciate the references to 2G1C and Goatse, as if it really is that horrible. I don't think it is, but is a very special sort of auditory assault and I don't want to misstate that. You really just need to witness it for yourself, because when they write about the history of the 2008 election years later and the role of the internet, specifically YouTube, you'll want to be able to say, I watched It's Raining McCain all the way through, children, and I died a little inside. I died a little inside. You'll add lots of emphasis and your kids will think you were really hardcore and whatever unless they get the balls to look it up themselves and witness firsthand as an initiation the exciting world of history. In doing so you'll run a gambit of emotions, from disgust to disinterest to abject horror. After first 20 seconds, I could not look away, transfixed on this portal to the abyss. What will I do now that I've witnessed...fuck, I can't make light of something this dark. Well, I'm gonna go out an get absolutely John McCain.

The video currently has 19 honors. Enjoy!

Swingin' Apes

No one reads this. Or at least, I imagine so. It will take a great deal of comments to dissuade me from this position. Part of me clings to this idea, of zero readership, to allow myself to remain frank and uncensored by a readership, although I rarely speak on personal issues as it is (this isn't a LiveJournal, or so I hope!). I am conflicted, however, as part of me desperately wants to be witty and not ever desire to spout garbage like oh, I wrote about that on my blog. Or I am so blogging this. I always imagine a short, hairy hipster saying such things, and I fancy myself no such thing, although I was briefly amazed at how hairy my arms are during my volcanology final today (which was lovely, thanks for asking!). I am also not very tall. Perhaps there is cause for concern. Alert me if I mention my blog in rl. I did that ironically, really. I should have said rly for greater affect. Or I could have gone with the srsly combo, but I dislike the word seriously fairly intently because of past exposure to Grey's Anatomy. Oh well. Did you know alert is an anagram of alter? It's true!

See? That's the sort of trumpery I just couldn't produce if I had an audience. They would be disgusted. I am a little disgusted as well. Perhaps that has something to do with this I found. It is a very long account of someone's experience in Borneo doing research on orangutans. I haven't read it all, but it is hosted on a university's website, so I assume it is credible. This isn't the first account of orangutan-on-woman sexual assault I've heard of, this one is referenced on the wikipedia article on animal sexuality, which also includes this gem:

"Masturbation is common in the animal kingdom ... We have a Darwinist mentality that all animals only have sex to procreate. But there are plenty of animals who will masturbate when they have nothing better to do. Masturbation has been observed among primates, deer, killer whales and penguins, and we're talking about both males and females. They rub themselves against stones and roots. Orangutans are especially inventive. They make dildos of wood and bark."

I'm no primatologist, but it seems like the bonobos still have a leg-up. I'll finish this up with the specific quote from this account of Borneo so you don't have to read the whole thing to get to the action:

When Mr. Scott and Mrs. Ann neared the camp, they saw an orangutan--Apollo Bob--who seemed to want to play. He wrestled with Mrs. Ann a bit and she thought it was innocent fun, until he grabbed her by both ankles and jerked her to the ground and started to mount her. Mr. Scott tried to pull him off, but orangutans are real strong. He said later it made him understand how horrible it must be to witness your wife or girl friend being raped and be able to do nothing about it. The struggle moved across about thirty feet of the trail, with Mr. Scott being able to do nothing but grab the back of Apollo Bob's neck and push his head toward the ground so he couldn't proceed. About then, Mrs. Anne (with an e at the end of her name) heard the ruckus from camp and came running, and, knowledgeable primatologist that she is, exploited the fact that humans are tool-using animals and orangutans for the most part are not, and grabbed a stick and chased Apollo Bob away.

At least I wasn't a rabbit, I guess.

You probably don't want to type monkey sex into the Google. Ever. Although I did find this image kind of funny.