Waffling in THREE dimensions.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Perhaps I should be a bounty hunter, like Dog. I am inspired. I am taking a career exploration class. It wants to know what my ideal career is. I have no idea. I would have better success describing this mystery occupation in the negative. It is not graveyard shift. It is not an athletic career. I don't feel that I have reached that magical point of disillusionment and dissociation, where dreams stop being lucid and survival becomes the primal goal. Not yet, I hope. I cannot say I do not feel limited, but it is not because I lacked any sort of potential, aside from those disabilities my disorder affords me, but the late exposure to so many fields I may have enjoyed. How could such time be made up? I worry that some opportunities are exclusive privileges. I am struggling with words.

My dream as a child, 3rd grade when I exemplified that self, was to become a paleontologist. Travel to the Gobi Desert and dig, with my pet iguana. That dream died when Rex died. I also realized I probably couldn't take the heat. Freshman year an aptitude test told me to become an experimental psychologist. That was the only match. Suggested alternatives, which did not match, included mime among others. I delighted in telling people this, a few even thought it possible. I never embraced them. Junior year I heard a report on NPR about a perceived upcoming shortage in pharmacy personal, I cannot recall exact positions, and resolved that I could do that. I've had second thoughts since, but I am still registered as a biology major. Maybe I won't change it and become an apiarist; it sounds enchanting. I will continue to attach the disclaimer "currently" when they ask me my major. Public service as an elected representative is very appealing to me, but the path to get there is daunting; where would I would obtain such capital? I don't know what I'll become. I don't think I'll become a musician, I haven't told my mom I won't be taking that class yet- I don't think I have it in me. If only I had a fairer complexion, to become a male model. I recently deleted all the silly pictures on my cell phone practicing my blue steel. I never should have told Jon that I have that movie, he keeps quoting it. I should go to bed now, with my inspirational message from Dog.

1 comment:

Melanie said...

I wish my major was as reasonable as yours. Who knows what I'll do? But as for you, I kind of like experimental psychologist. Seems about right. I think my aptitude test told me to be a tattoo artist.