Waffling in THREE dimensions.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Broadcast Journalism is Inferior to Print Media

Because I too am a huge nerd.

I'm watching the review of Iron Man on At the Movies which transitions nicely into Zetaman, Portland's real-life superhero who KATU recently did a piece on, however the Willamette Week did a much better job. According to the article, he's looking for form a super group; I already have a good portion of the outfit and we could probably carpool! Yay!

Apologizes to the Ether

I decided not to crop it because I have nothing to hide.

I haven't written much lately, although I've had many fine ideas, and I will continue to blame that stupid list for a little while longer and maybe a little bit of procrastination for good measure. I probably should be a little more devout if I want a readership, although my moblog has become quite popular among a few. In any case, I wanted to follow up this post a bit. While I was fiddling with my privacy settings on the aforementioned moblog I noticed that Google kindly offers to help you register a domain, should you want to fork out the $10 USD. I was curious and decided to check the availability of a few choice name variations on waffle. I found the suggested results amusing and I hope you will to [see above].

Friday, April 25, 2008

I Don't Mean To Alarm...

Hark!The spoon is primarily for decoration, but also for stirring the equal distribution of pepperoni to cheez-it.

But this may be the most perfect meal to yet exist. I can't believe I didn't make it sooner!!

Monday, April 21, 2008

When I Learn Semaphore, I Will Use Toy Lightsavers to Communicate

An integral part of my study practices.

Why am I procrastinating to the point of elongating sentences just to kill a few moments? I have to write a paper on a revolution in communication tonight, so of course, I am blogging. I would write about the revolution of blogging, but I might have a hard time finding printed sources to lend it that air of credibility that bloggers already suffer from. I am leaning towards doing something on semaphore, based almost primarily on my experiences from scouting, and because someone mentioned carrier pigeons in class stealing the novelty I crave in my reports. I even dug out my old handbooks to see what glorious tidbits they contain. I was not disappointed:

This is by no means the best image I could find, just the first to strike me.

This image is from the 10th Edition of the Boy Scout Handbook. The transition to the 11th left me rather cold. A lot of the weirder parts of scouting (see above) were omitted, although there was still some great moments. I was disappointed when I could no longer find anything about signaling, or identifying specific tree species. But I am very glad they retained the cringe-inducing how to remove a hook from your finger instructional.

The poor image quality is to discourage yours from playing with fishhooks.

I was actually procrastinating so hard earlier that I got the blue screen of death. This is the video that tipped my lappy over. I have an addiction to tabs, which is fatal.

Friday, April 18, 2008

From Russia with love

I don't enjoy blogging without my mouse plugged in, but my cat has marooned me. I had only planned to watch a few episodes of Stella before the cat decided to take a nap on my chest and she's too cute to move. In any case it gives me a chance to practice a little bit of html and I can always edit later. This is actually an edit. Disprove that; I dare you.

I recently tried to tweak the template on my moblog and failed. If you can hear the teen buzz on that site please let me know, because I can't. It's really quite silly and it doesn't matter. It might matter if I had my own domain. Perhaps one in the Sovient Union? I've toyed with the idea of registering one before, mostly as fantasy, but having one in the former Soviet Union sounds fun, if only for novelty. The price seems reasonable, even if the return (for me at least), would not be. I guess I could put up some ads, but whatever.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Fatosphere is a horrible name. I would have called it the rotundosphere

Yo? Get it? Get it? Tok-yo Hotel. Come on...

I was only planned to check my facespace and leave this to power up, but I got a little distracted. I don't even have my mouse plugged in, so we'll keep this brief. I was already aware of cell-phone novels, which is an intriguing concept, although I could never do it (I can never remember what I say in my text messages just seconds after). But the other terms are much more interesting, especially the gender-neutral pronoun yo. I really dig that. I'm going to look for more gender-ambiguous situations so I can use it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Foot Stool

I went to a tack shop hoping to find an appropriate belt and found this stool incredibly charming.

I haven't written anything for the past few days. I read this article about the top 50 blogs and felt a little intimidated by the blagosphere ( I only read like three of the fifty listed). Also very angry that Icanhascheezburger was on the list, which is so filled with ads that it is difficult to view, but I suppose it does get a lot of hits. Grumble grumble...caturday...

Furthermore, how could they forget Cute Overload? It's goddamn adorable! Too cute really; the sweetness makes me pucker and spit. I didn't mean to dwell on that list too much, but this is an obvious oversite. The internet exists (almost) solely for puppies, politics, and porn.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Is there anything more pathetic than searching for a specific commercial on Youtube? What about blogging about it?

What exactly is this belt holding up?

I have a confession: I bought one of those belt buckle knives (not the confederate one!). It arrived earlier this week with the lovely warning: This product contains a chemical known to the state of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. Awesome.

I suppose I should expect as much; it was made in China. But my real problem has been, how do I get these congenital birth defects to my potential offspring if I don't have a belt that it will fit? I clearly missed an opportunity to buy an awesome belt as an accessory if I had to buy a new belt anyways, although I can't be sure the two types of belts would have gotten along. In any case, I needed a new belt. I decided Target's website might be a good place to look.

It wasn't.

Perhaps I should have been more specific than simply belt, which returned some 368 results not including the Books, Music, Videos + DVDs brought to you by amazon.com. Thanks, guys! However, had I done that I never would have stumbled upon this. I didn't even know they made these anymore, on account of them being bogus. I mean, I'd seen them briefly in some Target ads but I figured it intended as some kitschy throwback to a simpler time like all their commercial pseudohallucinations. But apparently that same company make a variety of fitness products that will vibrate you to good health. Sure.

As of this writing, the search continues.

Friday, April 11, 2008

I've got a fever

Sadly, I missed Walken's performance last week on SNL and haven't bothered to check out the highlights. While I've made a habit of watching my favorite shows the day-after, I don't with late night programs. I suppose I've come to the conclusion that there will always be more (and similar) content later to enjoy. I'm actually referring to viral marketing.

I've become a sneezer. Or I fear I have. Maybe I am just sharing things I love with people I love and there's nothing inherently wrong with that, certainly. The product I shared wasn't engineered to be contagious, or rather, it didn't seem overtly so, but I still decided to make a comment on FaceSpace about it. I was infected.

I recall the first time I heard that buzzword, viral. It was in regards to a Pepsi Superbowl ad. It was 2005 and people were figuring out how to use the Internet. I don't think it was intentional, just lucky casting, but Mandy Amano was a hit and everyone praised Pepsi for being awesome and whatever. Then people started trying to do it on purpose instead of letting it happen. Viral isn't just a buzzword, it's a goal.

I feel all jaded, unnecessarily. I'm torn as it if I should even mention the site that has inspired this fulmination or if that would be somehow immoral. Would it be a service to them or an exploitation of myself or both? The line of questioning continues logically until I wonder: just how lame am I being now?

Fortunately, GoogleAds answers my question. While I don't use them on this blag, I'm somewhat tempted to, just to find out what it would direct people to. It also told me where I can find Local Emo Guys & Girls and ringtones(!), although I like the one I have.

I probably wouldn't be so worked up about this whole thing if I hadn't discovered that the Ask a Ninja guys make over $100,000 a month in ad revenue for a format they lifted from the Brothers Chaps. I don't know if I grew tired of the format(I can't remember the last time I watched Strong Bad) or quality became poorer, but I stopped watching after episode 65, which had been preceded by long absences between episodes which waned interest. Its difficult to compromise my love of Very Tasteful and adoration of Crista Flanagan with usual disdain for vloggers and my reluctance to recommend but I'll console myself with the thought that no one actually reads this and even less follow the links.

And, of course, by writing this at all, I've only stoked the fire.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Serious Post

Well, serious post. Mostly. I guess I should have used "the relevant to my interests" cat instead. Oh well.

When my friend and I were riding the metro access express through Portland, we saw a group of protesters assembled in Pioneer Courthouse Square. They seemed to be from the International Tibet Independence Movement, or a related cause. I certainly recognized the beautiful flag of Tibet, which is outlawed in China. I casually remarked that I didn't know why China was so interested in occupying the region and the man sitting ahead of me scoffed (or was it a grunt?) in agreement. With all the commotion, I decided it was time to find out, which means briefly read the Wikipedia article and feign intelligence.

I know full well that I won't be able to understand such a complex topic in an hour, but establishing a few heuristics would be a nice start. It's not like this is skub or anything that straight-forward. The first thing I did was check out the economy of Tibet and found this:
In January of 2007, the Chinese government issued a report outlining the discovery of a large mineral deposit under the Tibetan Plateau.[112] The deposit has an estimated value of $128 billion and may double Chinese reserves of zinc, copper, and lead. China sees this as a way to alleviate the country's dependence on foreign mineral imports necessary for its growing economy. However, critics worry that mining these vast resources will harm Tibet's fragile ecosystem as well take valuable resources away from the Tibetan people.
That seems like it might be fairly contentious. There all this stuff with demographic swamping and what Tibet actually is. And then there are ethnic groups. I felt satisfied at this point. I now had sufficient reason to justify my psuedo-indignation at an emerging superpower. But then I wondered, what else could I be mad at the Chinese for? Poisoning children? Circumcision? Then it hit me: fur.
“We thought this was a great opportunity for exposure,” said Caroline Nasella, 24, whose organization was In Defense of Animals. She stood holding a big banner that read “China: Stop Your Bloody Fur Trade!” [source]
I have a slight desire to make some snide comment about those darn hippies and their San Fransisco values, but I'm much more intrigued by what sorts of furs China is exporting. There are the obvious tiger, panda, and saiga. Luckily, Google opened my eyes. I guess that's pretty horrible and whatever; I'm still kind of hooked on that saiga thing. It looks like a mix of a tapir and an antelope! Awesome.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Proper Dental Hygiene

I guess it does kind of vibrate..

I briefly mentioned yesterday the importance of proper dental hygiene. Like less than a sentence. I'm really making a stretch to backlink here. In that same pitiful sentence I mentioned women and whatever so maybe there's a more legitimate connection than I'm trying to force.

I've been having a sort of fuzzy feeling all day, it's not quite déjà vu, but it's a little troubling. Any attempts to describe it will sound ridiculous (my brain tickles!), so I will provide a brief anecdote: I spent all of my geography class wondering why the girl sitting behind me seemed so familiar only to have my friend tell me that it was because we went to high school together. It seemed bizarre, but there are countless mind hacks, literally! Oh, I did it again.

I always feel guilty if I don't show my history when I link to something. In this case, I went through this Wired story to find this amazing piece of research, entitled "Tooth-brushing epilepsy with ictal orgasms". This is my favorite part, from the case report:
...while brushing her teeth, she suddenly felt sexually aroused and experienced orgasm-like euphoria very similar to orgasms during coitus. The erotic feeling was followed by a period of impairment of consciousness lasting for about 2 minutes. There were no jerky movements or convulsions. For the next 5 years, she experienced recurrent episodes of these ‘unknown’ orgasms approximately twice every week and occurring exclusively during tooth brushing. She believed that she was possessed by a demon and felt shame and fear.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Gross! I feel like Randall Munroe!

I woke up a short time ago. I slept much longer than I had planned. There was one dream about going cycling with a girl I've had a crush on since elementary school and another about Spider-girl having the venom symbiote, or something. I don't really remember. Things are still hazy. This will be fun.

Whenever I have a dream about someone, I feel compelled to tell them the next day. It's a weird compulsion, I know. I usually resist the temptation to write something retarded on their FaceSpace wall, although I write foolish things on everyone's walls, including my own. Given that I am blogging about it now, it is clear: I have no established custom regarding my stupidity. In any case, I imagine that it would not be as flattering to tell a pretty girl that I had a dream featuring her as I would like to imagine.

In short, I have no idea what girls want, aside from proper dental hygiene.

Fortunately, I can take solace with my heterogametic brothers; no one knows! It is a scientific mystery! I am referring to the Nature special I watched last night, What Females Want. The second half, What Males Will Do, is on next Sunday and I encourage you to watch the spectacle of showboating and rejection throughout the animal kingdom. The bower bird remains a personal favorite of mine.

Females, as always, remain free to contact me for the purpose of enlightenment.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Love is Over

He really does not look very lifelike to me.

Did I mention yesterday that Hillary Clinton was at least a half hour later than promised? The doors didn't open until 8am, some had even camped over night, and she didn't begin speaking until 10am. I understand she was late to her appearance in Eugene as well. On her first visit to Oregon, she could have at least stayed the whole day, out of solidarity. But no, she booked it to Montana before the day was even over. We don't get a whole day? I can't hold it against Montana though, they never get attention either. She arrives late and leaves early; Clinton Country, my ass!

What will I do with the cardboard heart (of the Oregon ♥ Hillary) I took (off the railings) from the rally now? It is broken (figuratively).

Speaking of, you really ought to check out Daniel Schorr's little essay here on NPR. It's really great and as a stickler makes me happy inside. He kind of has a bit of the old man's mouth thing going on, where he sounds like he has a bunch of cotton in his mouth or something, but that may have partially been because I was half awaken when I listened to him the first time
(I make a habit out of going back and listening to my favorite Weekend Edition stories and they are usually more enjoyable the second time). If you can spare two and a half minutes of your life, it's worth it.

Gifts that Give

You can see how a man like this might be easily fooled.

What makes me sadder than learning of a celebrity death? Knowing that I had not properly anticipated their demise. Honestly, I thought he had died some time ago and feel a little silly for not checking. Besides, I only had room for ten people. I should talk about something more upbeat.

I wrote last week about a simple April Fool's Day prank I had performed. I had let it linger for a bit for realism and to verify that I had caught a fool. I didn't expect to catch another. Lifted from my FaceSpace:

I'm actually curious how you're doing as a whole. I've been somewhat keeping track of your status changes and relationship status and I want to know if you're doing okay.
And after I replied, "I WIN! That was April Fool's. You are number three." He continued:
I figured it was an April Fool's prank, but part of me considered you might actually be dating Rachel, so I withheld complete judgment on it until just now, thus giving you Epic Win. I did ask my girlfriend if she was just working with you to pull off the most eleborate and cruel April Fool's prank ever and had part of myself prepared if on April 1st she just yelled "April Fool's bitch!" and dumped me. Luckily she did not do that. I'm convinced it's coming next year, thus making it 80 times more eleborate and cruel.
He's wrong, of course; It would only be 52 times as cruel.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Mo Mormons

Some people posed with the silly sign.

Driving home from the event, I listened to Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me, which is probably my second favorite NPR program after In Character, which is really more of a segment anyways, so I suppose I just lost the game or something. I really ought to like some of their music centric programs more than I do, but I think we've established that I'm some sort of anomaly. Did I mention The Puzzle? I lurve the puzzle. Will Shortz is the sphinx. Sphinx would make a really cool substitute for the word cool in the future or maybe to refer to an attractive female?. We could change the future of children's vernacular together! Think about using next time you want to describe something as hott or hip.

In the jazz department at BYU-I,we were discouraged from using the word hip because it apparently had drug connotations. I call bullshit as it's a derivation of hep, but whatever. This will tie together nicely.

I apologize for my saturation of links. I've gotten carried away.

In any case, with the confluence of General Conference and Mo Rocca today, I've decided it an opportune time to link to this, which is unfortunately, now outdated. I'm sure Mo would have appreciated the whole zero hits I'd have given him anyway.

By the way, here's what wikipedia has to say about what is hip:

Despite research and speculation by both amateur and professional etymologists, the origins of the term hip and hep are disputed. Many etymologists believe that the terms hip, hep and hepcat (e.g., jazz musicians' now cliched "hip cat") derive from the west African Wolof language word hepicat, which means "one who has his eyes open".[1] Some etymologists reject this, however, and have even adopted the denigration "to cry Wolof" as a general dismissal or belittlement of etymologies they believe to be based on "superficial similarities" rather than documented attribution.[2]

An alternative theory traces the word's origins to those who used opium recreationally in the 19th century. Opium smokers commonly consumed the drug lying on their sides (i.e. their hips). Because opium smoking was a practice of socially-influential trend-setting individuals, the cachet it enjoyed led to the circulation of the term hip by way of a kind of synecdoche. This theory, however far-fetched, is most certainly disproven by the fact that the term hep was used until around 1940, when it was replaced in popular culture with the term hip for no apparent reason other than to make the word current again.

So there, ha!

What is Oregon?

This is easily the coolest picture I took. Look at the size of that bumper!

I went to a Hillary Clinton event today. For more information about this event, you may look here, here, here, here or here (for a slideshow!). It was kind of a big deal. I took a bunch of pictures with my phone and posted some thoughts to my moblog the whole time. The title refers to the local promoter who tried to lead the crowd in a chant with:

Q. What is Oregon?

A. Clinton Country!
That chant didn't turn out so well. We'll see how the rest goes down May 20th.

Everyone had to fill out and sign one of these before they could enter. They were referred to as tickets. I was tempted to mark that she could claim this as public endorsement because who am I that it would matter?
I was glad to see these guys there.
I admit, I laughed when I saw this. Some people didn't find it so funny. Those people should relax.
I had a horrible seat.
Can you see Hillary? I sure couldn't. THANKS A LOT, ASS!
Do I make a Carmen San Diego joke or a Waldo reference?

And finally,
I snapped this as I was walking back to my car.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

The Clothing Makes The Man

Although, I was really tempted to get this Green Lantern shirt.

The belt buckle debacle has gotten me thinking about the futility of life or something. What does it mean when a shoe commercial is correct? I am highly suspect of the study, and even more curious where I, an adultish male that wears the shoes of children, fit in this world of those who sneak and those who don't. Also, I can't help but wonder which sneakers the captains of industry are wearing with their suits.
"Casual, carefree, I don't take myself too seriously -- that's what I hope my shoes say about me," Kelley said.
Yeah, that's how I roll.

In any case, I've expressed interest in augmenting my vision with more utility. There are sunglasses with speakers, but they are prohibitively expensive. I had heard rumors of sunglasses with rear view mirrors, but I found nothing appropriate for everyday use. Perhaps I would have had more luck if I thought to search for more than mirror sunglasses. Thinking they might have something similar, or at least a name, I ventured to The Streets of Tanasbourne with a friend. They did not, although in fairness, we didn't really give The Sunglasses Hut a fair chance because they were obviously too cool for us. We were not too cool for Hot Topic and so we stepped in there for a moment. For a time, I felt really icky for owning a Snakes on a Plane shirt I purchased there whenever ago. For a niche retailer, they certainly cover a diverse set of interests. From Harry Potter trading cards and Halo 3 action figures to pink bustiers and Simpsons merch, I suppose a better question is what don't they try to sell? I imagine having merchandise at Hot Topic is one of the signs a band has sold out to some, when really, Hot Topic has just bought in.

Oh, and it turns out the sunglasses were here all along.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Stab Stab

I'm not sure the sheath is really necessary.

I expressed earlier my relief that I certain weapons are hard to acquire as I would certainly injure myself immediately upon acquisition. In a continuation of this thought, I present the Ballistic Knife:
I love Wikipedia just for this reason. I didn't even know this thing existed until this afternoon!

It is a weapon I should never (and never will be) be allowed to handle, yet desire to exceedingly (if only to see it shoot, once, please!), perhaps more so because of the status as contraband. Even when the blade found itself inevitably implanted in someone's thigh, I feel it would make a great anecdote. So then, it just shot off and hit Steve in the leg and he's screaming and there's blood everywhere and I'm freaking out!


I find the mix of projectile and melee weapon intriguing, as do these guys at Halfbakery. I'm not entirely sure what is being said here, but I like it:
I'm almost certain they did that in a video game... one of the Final Fantasy ones. and i dont think youd bring you KnifeGun to a gun fight as much as youd bring your GunKnife to a Knife fight. you fight like a knife, close range combat and all, then at the opertune moment where your oponents knife used to be is now a bloody hole in his hand.
disarmed and wounded you move in for the kill, a stabing and slicing kill. onlookers will see that you've won the knife fight, but be dumbfounded as to what just happened.
"did he shoot him?"
"no, he had his knife in his hand the whole time, how could he have?"
HalfwayHebrew, Jul 22 2003
One of the other posters made a little more sense than this particular fellow and using that insight I was able to discover another weapon I will never have access to, again on wikipedia. It's a little disappointing. I did earn the rifler shooting merit badge.

Great for Dueling

In the digital age there is perhaps nothing so aggravating as accidentally closing a window. If I seem curt in the following, you may easily deduce the reason.

I believe I have expressed my desire for greater utility before, which has resulted in some unusual clothing choices (although every one agrees upon the time). I believe I have also expressed my appreciation of things which fail so tremendously that they reach a point of inversion and actually become wonderful in the worst way. Perhaps failure is the wrong descriptor. In any case, I have found an item that dares do both:

From the product description:

All cast metal buckle with hidden slide out pocket knife. Rebel flag and civil war swords molded into the buckle. C.S.A., The Confederate States of America, is molded into the front and back of this small, concealed blade. Precision engineered to slide and stay in place in the belt buckle compartment. It stays put! Nothing to snap! This is a quality collector's piece for reenactment enthusiasts or amateurs alike. It makes for a great belt buckle, too! Being all metal, it will last a lifetime.
It's also very affordable and from multiple retailers! While there are similar products avaliable, who could pass up that Southern Charm? Although, I admit, compared to the these belt buckle knives, the whole seven dollars seems like quite the steal. I encourage you to check out the video and Clive Thompson's pseudo-review. It seems that Mr. Gillespie has a new website with the charming name Bucklehead. I'm not even sure how to use these ones. It seems you must remove the belt for access to the blade. Of course, there are the questions of knife legality for good reason. I feel a ban on balisong knives is certainly to protect myself from myself.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

It's Complicated

I changed my relationship status on Facespace to In a relationship for today. That will change at midnight to It's complicated until the joke resolves itself. I received the brilliant comment of "?". That made it all worthwhile. For that reason, the joke will persist overnight.

jedisteve101 (11:02:37 PM):
what's with the in relationship thing?
The Saxy Poet (11:02:51 PM): i met someone
jedisteve101 (11:02:58 PM): who?
The Saxy Poet (11:03:02 PM): her name is April
jedisteve101 (11:03:14 PM): lemme guess
jedisteve101 (11:03:19 PM): April Fools
The Saxy Poet (11:03:23 PM): i win!

I'm Still Alive

The brownies didn't kill me. I've eaten like five now. It was over twelve hours before I noticed any discoloration of the urine with three brownies. I have photographic evidence, but I'll spare you. Here's a list of April Fool's Day pranks that went over a little better than the brownies my brother refuses to touch.

Also, I'd like to point you to this site. While it is totally lame that I lifted these links from the Wikipedia article, what Zorbu has done for today is absolutely awesome.

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