Waffling in THREE dimensions.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Game Over

I'd just like to point out that one of the fifth place contender(s) in that American Apparel costume contest I mentioned before was a series of Tetris blocks. Though I didn't include any of their products in my costume and was thus ineligible (I didn't have time to buy tights), think my costume is superior since it lacks the goofy looking face windows that totally detract realism. My actual only complaint, besides the inherent loneliness of being the only block, is how hot the costume got, which was a very nice considering the weather. Fortunately it didn't rain, though I'm confident it would have held up pretty well. I was happy with it. If I can find appropriete boxes and approprietely sized friends, I might try to make more. I got the boxes for free from Target, Party City, and a few others (most places have a surplus that just get recycled although it took a while to find matching sizes). Overall, it ended up costing less than twenty five dollars with the primary expense being the three rolls of white duct tape I went through. I posted pictures on my mobile blog as I went. Drunk pedestrians really enjoyed the costume. Many wanted to talk about it, or at least confirm that I was, in fact, the greatest video game character evar, which was difficult for me as I wanted to stay in character. The L-Block doesn't speak, though I would occasionally awkwardly pantomime with my torso and legs. The strangest adjulations proclaimed their hatred of rubix cubes.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

I Vote Kittens

(PROTIP: Never search a local news site for the term "puppy." You will only find sadness.)

I guess I've been following my senatatorial race too closely, the most gripping political story is unfolding and I almost missed it! If you watched Obama's victory speech, you know that Obama promised his daughters a puppy. But what breed will they get? America wants to know!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Still no word from the league btw

This was my Halloween costume. It's not as original as everyone thought.

I missed it. Actually, I didn't know Portland had one. Ugh. I can't say I would have tried to attend had I known. I know I don't want to miss Zompire this spring. I'm also a little disappointed that I can't make it to Live Wire! this weekend. I'd love to see John Hodgman and Jonathon Coulton.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I need tights for my costume

I don't have time for a full post right now, but following my Halloween related posts, I thought I ought to link to an amazing applicant in American Apparel's DIY Costume Contest.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Enflamed with Passion

I cannot draw penises this well.

I've never counted exactly how many feeds I'm subscribed to, but they extend almost to my status bar. Perhaps I'll do a screen cap sometime. There are some I only skim and others I wait to check. I'm not even sure why I added Upside Down Dogs to it; all the posts are titled "Photo". Of my many subscriptions, I strongly recommend Passive Aggressive Notes. The image above is my favorite post yet. It actually wasn't included in the post proper but it is absolutely fantastic. My favorite comment:

The orange penis is not ejaculating.

His genie is going back inside!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A blog is fine too

I wanted to do a research paper on Louis Wain, but it wasn't viable.

I had some midterms this week. I'm not happy with my performance. I'll blame Leibniz rather than Newton since I think I did splendidly on my physics test. Did you know Leibniz invented binary notation? Neat!

But that's not important.

I've started on my Halloween costume. It is not one of these, but it will be great. More on that at a later date.

Anyways, what I wanted to comment upon was something I encountered doing another ethics assignment.This time it was about bloggers and citizen journalism and standards of professionalism and... The case study was about Josh Wolfe and whether he is a journalist or not. I came down on the affirmitive side. If I was allowed to cite Wikipedia I'd point that he is included in the category: American journalists, but his Journalist of the Year award is better evidence. I'm sure that was one of the citerion they used when considering that categorization as well. As the class went on, I realized the class didn't share this opinion. I'm an introvert naturally and even more so when I feel myself in the minority opinion. I'm not elequent enough to win an argument against so many. I know the internet is serious business, but the class just sounded like Andrew Keen. I know by writing this, I am confirming many of the criticisms they expressed. In my amateur opinion they sounded a little afraid of the Internet. I don't blame them, but being a luddite just makes you sound butt-hurt. Everyone knows the internet is just for porn and cats anyways.

I've digressed. I did a little reading about Mr. Wolf while I was hastily writing why the Internet needs protection and found that he ran for mayor of San Fransisco in 2007. He failed spectacularly. More interesting to me were the write-in candiates. One vote for Robert McCullough and he's in the municipal history books. I just got my ballot, perhaps I shall try for some of this cheap immortality.

Monday, October 20, 2008


I find I work best in the early morning. It's strange but seems to work fairly well assuming I don't grossly underestimate the time and work required or my ink supply. Today's task is from my mass media ethics class and is about...ethics. The case study specifically concerns the creation of shill accounts and their effect on society and the marketplace. I wanted to find some mention of the wikiality that takes place on Wikipedia. I can't be sure how often it takes place, but I would suggest more often than Wikipedians will admit. Perhaps ironically, on the page dealing with criticisms of Wikipedia, including inaccurate and sometimes non-existent sourcing for controversial assertions in articles there are several dead external links. It seems that the North Adams Transcript doesn't keep an active archive. Whoops.

Despite it's many flaws, I still consider Wikipedia a nobel endeavor. I have both admiration and pity for those who spend their freetime editting a free encyclopedia. I'm not sure why they do it. I'm even less sure why toast shows up on the list of most vandalized pages.

In related news, I recently went to a little seminar featuring the creator of wiki technology, Ward Cunningham. It was very interesting.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Virtually Connected

I keep a mobile blog. I've thought of just using Twitter, but then I remember that no one cares about the minutiae of my life, including myself. So I'm content to post inane things for my own gratification happy to know no one but myself will ever read them. But occasionally, I'll see something fantastic on Twitter and want to join. Perhaps Assisted Homicide needs to tweet @Bad Horse.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I've really wanted waffles the last few days

The night before this was due I had a dream some old biddy accused me of not being a hardcore Whedon fan.

I don't read io9 as much as I really ought to. It is simply too much amazing for me to handle. I fear would never release me from its tentacle vortex of wonderful things. I was checking it out today because they mentioned the Evil League of Evil contest that recently closed and I stumbled upon this Lego Zombie diorama. But sometimes, it is just sad. Anyways, I'm in the library and should probably get to class pretty soon.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Baby Pig

Piglets are adorable.

Friday, October 03, 2008

I like to think of waffles as corrugated pancakes

You know, I just now realized that I neglected to mentioned that I set up an aggregate page to show my most recent blog posts from both this location and my mobile blog, although the latter has a slight delay. As a bonus, it also shows the last few items I dugg. I think it's pretty neat.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

And no other girls can say anything about it

This is so amazing. More amazing: instructions.

I went to the local Spirit Halloween store the other day. Although I didn't get anything for myself, I was very much tempted by this. The past year I stayed home and handed out candy dressed as a ninja. It's a costume of convenience I've used in years past. When I'm not sneaking in them, I use the ninja sweatpants for lounging. I've always loved the costume aspect of the holiday the most and picked outfits as a youth that I knew I'd like to play with or wear later (jealous!). I'd love to try to make my own costume now that I have some sewing proficiency, but time and money make it difficult. However, I am in love with these recycled costumes. Even better, some of the creators have shared instructions so you can try to make one too. I'm not sure how cute I'd look in an umbrella bat costume. Also, people who use umbrellas are pansies.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Also Featured: Home Lap Dancing Kit

This one is in the "gifts4men section"

Wait, you need a kit for that? And it costs $18.94?

Or a Spring Loaded Bowstaff

This is in the "gifts4women" section where you can also find rings covered in hair.

I attribute part of my blogging silence to my conversion to Digg. Feedburner showing me that my audience consists entirely of Googlebots didn't help and a few subtle changes to ScribeFire haven't helped either, but when the best things on the internet are presented so neatly, what more can I say? Anyways, this is about three clicks removed from Digg, through Gizmodo to which I also subscribe but missed. Anyways, the price seems quite reasonable for a discreet stripper pole, although I imagine shipping will be pricey. Fortunately, they have a deal:

The subtitle troubles me, but I'm not sure which part more so. Clearly this is a product intended for adults, but then they take it further and clarify that it is a fun product. The repetition of kit also seems gratuitous, but I imagine it may all be a clerical thing... to differentiate it from the freestyle blow jobs? But if this product interests you, don't let my trite observations dissuade you; it has a very complimentary review:
it used to be so messy and it was such a chore to clean up afterwards. but with the blow job kit we can do it all night long with no problem. - mattie, utah
Yay, Utah!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Legends Never Die

This has no need for a witty quip.

I made this post a few months ago where I briefly discussed a Kiss comic book I found at Barnes and Noble. Turns out there is also a webcomic. But if I'm recommending webcomics, I really must suggest Dr. McNinja as well.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Coming of Age

I'm currently using this book as a coaster for my Mountain Dew

I am doing quite well currently, excluding this awful business and that I had to break into an emergency cache of jerky. You see, you can't have too much jerky. Well, you can, but I'm not terribly concerned that I'll build up a fatal amount of ammonia; I have to urinate far too often for that, courtesy of Mountain Dew.

One reason for my current bliss is this and also this, though to a lesser extent than the former. I find that I can only play in a sandbox for so long before it starts exfoliating my ear canals, among other regions.

In any case, it is summer and I'm feeling great. Over the course of my many, many anecdotes (I'd dictate them here, but the flamboyant gestures I make are essential to the telling) I've noticed a common thread: there are years of my life where I did absolutely nothing. I realize that can't actually be true, but subjectively, it is. I've established before that my memory is, at best, fractional. I wouldn't mind having an eidetic memory, but I think life would be so much less mysterious with one. That's not to say I wouldn't mind knowing where I had put my jerky (I suspect theft, but can't be certain). However, it seems in all my anecdotes I am either 4, 6, 8, 10, or 15 years old, depending on the content and connotation of the story I've caught myself on a few occasions embellishing a story with one of these false ages when I can clearly recall that I must have been a particular age based off whatever inkling. But why these ages and what do they illustrate?

We'll start with the age I didn't include, thirteen. I'm never thirteen in my accounts because I was a wholly uninteresting teenager at this age. I did nothing interesting, had very few friends, and was generally timid and greasy. You can see how little has changed. Example of a story from when I was thirteen:
I was sitting at a computer in the library, where I spent the second half of every period, looking up Lego Mindstorms in all their pre-Y2k majesty when I girl I fancied began to walk over. It was one whom I had briefly attended elementary school with and I remembered her being intelligent and had filled out quite nicely. I realize now that as an angsty middle schooler with no social life my minimum requires for shagging (intelligence and grace) were unreasonably high, but it was safe to say that I fancied this girl. Although I understood little of the fairer sex at the time, when she saw my moniter---I was looking at goddamn Legos!---the almost reflexive "Oh," saturated in a disapointed inflection I could imitate even now, made it clear that any feelings I might have had would forever remain unrequited.
That is my middle school experience distilled. You can see why I tell everyone about it.

The other ages are fairly easy to figure out. As I can't reliably remember what I did yesterday, a disconcerting thought at times, it seems absurd to believe that I might remember anything that happened to me before age four. Hell, I had an issue with object permanence the other day while playing Team Fortress 2, which is also a hilarious anecdote for another time perhaps. Age six perhaps connotes a predominance of childhood whimsy that I have yet to abandon. Ten connotes some, perhaps a burgeoning, degree of intelligence, although I'm pretty certain I was a huge dick then as well. And age fifteen seems removed enough from those incredibly awkward middle school years to represent the slightly less awkward high school years.

But most of my childhood stories take place when I am eight. The quanitity of stories would suggest that this was the most exciting year of my life, and it's possible, but it is just as likely that I am conflating events. In fact, I am certain I am. I like to think of myself as an anomaly in my family, but my brother's erratic behavior implies that I could not have been so vibrant so young. I would contend that he may be the anomalous one, but I hold no desire to be compared to any of my relations, immediate or otherwise. Anyways, I think I picked age eight, as opposed to seven or nine, because in mormon culture it is a rite of passage to reach the age of accountability and be baptised. For the record, I see no evidence of ethics in my brother at all; however, in my anecdotes I think I wish to connote a semblance of morality or I would have picked another age. Although it could be that it simply sounds a lot better to say "when I was eight" than the adjacent alternatives, and that does sound like all the reason I'd need to do something. I'm incredibly capricious.

Also, jerky is delicious.


Something horrible happened to me. I lost all my bookmarks. Thankfully, it happened just after I finished my finals. I've been too busy to worry about or address it but it's still frustrating. The bright side is that it cleaned out all the favorites I never bothered to revisit. The downside is that I have no idea what those favorites were.

Another unfortunate thing is that with the release of Firefox 3.0 many of my add-ons aren't compatible with the new version. Fortunately, ScribeFire isn't one of those. Don't let me give you the wrong impression, I'm very excited to break in my new browser, if not to reset all my feeds. What else is new?

I'll tell you later.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Change of Integrity

I've squandered my evening playing with these subscription things. I also took the opportunity to try WordPress. It has some very nice features, but it wasn't what I was looking for at the moment. I wanted to cross-pollinate this web log with my moblog without compromising their individual integrity, but it has been a fruitless endeavor thus far. I know a way to do it and I may later. In the interim, you can see my latest mobile update at the bottom of the page and conversely there.

Test failed. Post Homunculi was imported because it was created before the transfer was complete. Try rerouting the feed?

The transition appears smooth, but it wouldn't be a proper test if it wasn't repeatable.


Please disregard this post. I am using it as a litmus. Curiouser and curiouser...

An Exciting New Direction

Poor, but honest. Sad, but true!

Between bouts of cleaning, existentialism, and reading my new favorite wikipedia article, I added FeedBurner to my blog(s). What does this mean to you, the reader?

I'm not sure yet. But it's exciting nonetheless.

Certain questions arise, such as, "Do I need to resubscribe to your web feed of now?" and "What is the proper use of a semicolon?"

Again, I'm not sure yet. If it makes any difference, and I doubt that it does, I picked the RSS feed option when adding it opposed to the Atom option, perhaps out of a fondness for acronyms or dislike of chemistry. I abandoned IE before web 2.0 hit and I've never used Safari, so I can't tell you if they are as amazing on those browsers as they are in Firefox. I remember when I had to manually check my favorite websites for updates and how frustrating it was to find that some internet humorist hadn't updated. Gosh, that feels like so long ago.

Basically, I added affirmation that I have no audience and if you want to know when I post new things, click the orange square in the right side of the address bar or at the bottom you can click a hyperlink for the same results. It will say:

Subscribe to Wafflecone

Saturday, June 07, 2008

How Do I

So I got bored again. I did a little homework, but not enough; it couldn't hold my attention. Also, I was worried about sounding jingoistic in a question comparing Venezuela and the United States economic systems. I'm not sure any comparison would be valid given the vast differences in resources, population, cultures, histories, my apathy...

So I started trolling Yahoo Answers again. Trolling in the wrong word, I've only asked one question as of this writing. I've found a few Answers I've really liked including this one and this one. And this made me...well, I'll just tell you the question and you can guess the answers given.
Does anyone else get turned on by the Avatar's?
I initially thought it might be regarding this or even this. But no, it wasn't. I checked the obvious rhetorical lyrics first, including "Can anybody find me somebody to love?" and "Is this the real life?" The latter question was posed some sixty times and I sought something more obscure. I found this gem on another site. And then I got an idea, but it was taken too! But it was totally worth it for this copy editor's dissection of the song.

In the mean time, I've grown a little tired of trying to be creative and will probably do something else for a while now. Although I still have a few ideas I might try later.

Friday, June 06, 2008

The Internet is for porn (and trolls)

I made a big huff about my mom disconnecting the Internets and how negatively it would affect my education this morning, only to go to the campus to use the WiFi and do nothing productive. I played around with writing some metafiction, but I think it was largely a bust. However, I found listening to Rick Emerson discuss his ADHD diagnostic test on air very enjoyable. If I had planned better, I would have packed myself some food, but I was in a tizzy of sorts. That would fall under "low frustration tolerance" for those of you playing at home.

On a related note, there have been these commercials on recently for what appears to be an internet health forum support group. It's a nice enough idea, certainly better than this one. It's not something that's going to be featured on Weekend Web anytime soon (do they still do Weekend Web?). Whenever I see one of their commercials, I get the temptation to create an account for the exclusive purpose of trolling the forums.

I won't.Probably.

And speaking of trolling, Yahoo Answers is always choice. I may spend some of my procrastination time this weekend looking up other John Mayer songs with rhetorical questions to ask.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Avenue Q in P-town

While I don't really miss my old school, I occasionally miss the roommates I had. Not all of them, of course, but I certainly miss Rick and the opportunities I wasted with him. Such as lifting the soundtracks to The Producers and Avenue Q from his iPod. However, I have recently learned that the later will be coming to Portland later this month. I'm excited. The timing is a little precarious as I'm scheduled to start work the next day, but I'll walk it off. I'm just a little concerned I won't be able to find anyone willing to go with me, but really, how can you hate this?

Tickets here.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Pick a relationship and stick with it

The subject.

I'm still working on this essay. It's late and I doubt the professor will even accept it, but I'm writing it more for myself than anything else at this point. I'm a big fan of creative nonfiction so I'm taking a segmented, nonlinear approach to it (think The Prestige or Pulp Fiction). I've divided it into fifteen sections, one of which it tentatively titled "Horrible Wingman." I found this page on the topic so helpful, I was compelled to link you to it.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

What has been seen cannot be unseen

No, I won't provide an image...

Oh wow. I've made a huge mistake. I was looking at some disease on wikipedia and since I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, I couldn't resist following some links. That was not a good idea.What ever you do, do not scroll down to the bottom of the article on ingrown nails which thoroughly combines the repugnance of bare feet with the raw horror of evacuating wounds. It was right up there with Rotten.com so please, please, avoid it. I wish I had...I wish I had...

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Who films that?

What the hell, people? Why are there over seven hundred videos onYouTube under the search terms "my phone is ringing"? I just wanted to watch/listen to this video. Although I now realize I had the wrong search terms, but that's not the point!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Q. Are We Not Men?

Not my final answer.

I don't like security questions for the same reason I dislike shoe shopping. Not exactly the same reasons, but the core objections are there: commitment to a summary. I wish my being were so simple that it could be distilled into a single pair of New Balance sneakers (and at a reasonable price!) but it is not. Eventually I just gave up trying to think up something witty and decided to focus on not forgetting the original password. Actually, I'm not sure what I oh shit oh shit oh shit...
I kid! I think...

Forest Ninja (photos!)

Photo posts of my recent adventures!

Of my brief foray into Eugene, this is Bruce Campbell stencil is the only picture worth posting.
During my brief expedition to Big 5 I found this gem. That kid will mess you up. He even makes jumping rope look bad-ass. You wouldn't see this kid playing with scented hula hoops, which were rather disappointing by the way.
I shared a bed with this. Yes, it was everything you'd imagine it to be and more.
Though we saw a plethora of elk, deer, and other creatures with haunting eyes along Route 12, this was the closest thing we saw to a bear.
Jesus was present with a sexy Santa Claus and a little Wonder Woman, neither of whom are present in this picture. I also saw a parrot and a banana. Surprisingly, no eagles or sharks.
I don't know who this is, but there was a long line of people wanting his signature. Don't bother trying to tell me, I won't care.
This haircut was so horrible, I had to have a picture.
I am looking forward to this greatly. I was bereaved when I learned he had been there on Saturday. Looking at the cast, I am already in love.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

A Sphere of Curiousity

There are worse things to be compared to than a meerkat.

I was talking to a friend late last night, at about that time where I am simultaneously suggestible and cantankerous. She attempted to draw out my inner dialog, imploring me to speak my mind. I refused and retorted that she ought to as well. She then professed that her impressions which fit verbal expression were given confession. I found this admirable and felt a pang of envy. I will never phonate ferociously enough to fit the frequency of my figments. Though I may make effort, it will never be fast enough and there are issues of intelligibility and propriety to consider. I find myself more comfortable in a transcribed medium at times as it allows me more time to collect and filter my volatile mind, although the refinement is arduous. I've spent entirely too much time on this one post alone!

In any case, I've written about (my) ADD before, many times. I had a doctor's appointment earlier this week and I'm feeling a lot better about things now. He wanted me to keep a diary while we try some new things; I've overloaded my moblog a few times with observations.

It was weird. He gave me a little faq sheet about ADHD and one on depression, since it's often comorbid. But that wasn't the weird part. It was the checklist of symptoms, a bill of my greatest insecurities and faults. I felt the omniscient eye of science undressing me. I didn't know whether to be comforted or indignant that I seemed so easily discerned, described, categorized, labeled, and treated. Was I... Am I merely the product of some mental anomaly?

I don't want this blog to be about living with attention deficit disorder, although I can't omit it's influence from my life. I like to think I'm more than that. It's not something I like to share a lot either.

But I have to share this: Patient Voices: A.D.H.D. - The New York Times
The challenges faced by those with A.D.H.D. -- weighing the decision to
take stimulant medication, facing those who doubt your disorder and
adapting to your symptoms -- are daunting and deeply personal. Here, in
their own words, are the stories of adults and children coping with

Saturday, May 24, 2008

More Enjoyable Sex

There are a few personal reasons I don't like shopping at Big 5 Sporting Goods, but they are having a sale. Actually, three sales compounded. Yay for holidays!
  • It awakens my latent boyscout nature and I instantly wish to go camping/prepare for apocalypse (same problem with REI)
  • The floor is carpeted
  • I see too many things I want, but do not need
  • I feel too inadequate in my knowledge of sporting and fitnessing to shop there
  • I am always tempted to ask which of the firearms they sell could pierce a human skull
  • A girl I knew in high school works there and I try to avoid people I do not like
Currently, I am looking at their fitness orbs, which seem to be on sale as four different products. I really don't know enough to make an informed decision, which is probably fine since I only sit on this one and pretend to be Dwight. I was debating whether it was worth it to go try to differentiate them when I saw this. Now I must go.


I love any excuse to mention lawn darts.

I like to go to bed late. This is no secret. There are lots of reasons I do this and one of the sillier ones is that I am a fan of the BBC and OPB Radio switches from some hip music program to the World Service at midnight. Sometimes I'll stay up so late that I catch the start of Morning Edition, which I love even more.

While I'd heard different stories on the World Service that I might have liked to share with the Internets none were compelling enough to warrant trying to navigate through the programmes. Until now.

This is my favorite World Have Your Say topic ever. I really like the guy who grouped neuticals with both war and George W. Bush, whom I contend is not really an idea at all.

Friday, May 23, 2008

High Seas, High Stakes

Of my many feeds, a good proportion of them are devoted to news sites. I can't say I read all the articles, but they are nice to have in case something important happens and they generally make me feel better about myself. This one caught my eye. Sadly, the article does not discuss these pirates and there's nothing about how the crackdown on piracy will affect global warming.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Brain's Up

It will be some time before this reaches theaters, but if possible, I will be attending and I will be taking you with me. I'm still having zombie dreams from going to Zompire. Perhaps I've gone crazy, but I think going to a shooting range could be a fun date activity.

DAWN OF THE DEAD...The Romero Original...Returning Soon To Theaters...In 3-D!?!? -- Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I couldn't think of a proper integration joke

I was not trying to procrastinate tonight; I promptly quit playing playing with my Orange Box at eight pm and dutifully found my lappy and began to search relevant terms for a paper. But in the process became aware of something that I had to share.

There are many problems with this paper. First, it is due on a day which proves inconvenient to me, so I'll need to have it done early. Next, it is about our personal relationships and involves a great deal of self-disclosure in the process. Finally, I don't know which relationship I'd like to write about. Then there is the tricky question of: Where do you think you will go from here (get closer, stay the same, or come further apart?)

A much easier question would have been, where would you have liked to have gone? I can think of a few places...

There's an alternate assignment if we really don't want to bare our souls to a short, bald divorcer, but I don't think I'll take it. I almost enjoy introspection, as much as that is possible? I don't know what I'm saying.

In any case, I hit the Google and found the website of the author of the Knapp's Relationship Escalation and Termination Model. Woohoo, super interesting. Not really, until you check out his course schedule and you access his powerpoint presentations.

The content is pretty sparse. I've only viewed a few, but enough to reach a conclusion: these are the worst powerpoints I have ever seen. Each slide has more bells, whistles, and honks than Sesame Street. Every bullet gets a ding and every title a whoosh. I'm exaggerating a little, but only so it won't seem so bad if you actually decide to view them. Don't click prematurely either. You wouldn't want to cut short the songs.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Blog rhymes with Clog which is filling The Tubes

I Love Cheesy Poofs by Janene Jewsen

I wasn't planning on making a post today because I thought I was going to go to a party, but it didn't happen. I'm not going to discuss that at this time, but I am rather unhappy with how events have unfolded. We'll leave it at that.

I have some news regarding the belt debacle and I'll get pictures published in a proper post promptly.

The picture above is only the latest of weird images I've seen around campus. I found this wall, with the pop culture icon displayed center slightly askew, juxtaposed with what I assume were independently made with serious inflection more compelling as a whole than any of the pieces could be individually. If that is a pseudonym used by the artist, bravo.

Anyways, a friend recently turned me onto Flight of the Conchords, and, as a recovering "Weird Al" enthusiast, I greatly enjoyed them. I don't wish to spoil anything, but in one song the phrase, "you could be an air hostess in the 60's" is murmured, seductively. Here, just watch it:

So when I saw that Wired had a brief multimedia up about Air Hostesses of Yesteryear I had no choice but to direct you there for illustrative purposes.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A Representative Sample

I like to imagine that jeperody is a state of peril where the risk is more comical than injurious.

I'm a pretty big fan of Jeopardy!, but I'm not sure how I feel about Jeperody!!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Wired's How-To Covers Zombie Survival Scenarios

I don't have much to say about this (Max Brooks covered pretty much everything) but that doesn't make it any less required reading.

Survive a Zombie Apocalypse - Wired How-To Wiki

Citation Needed

I went on a rant earlier with a friend about how Wikipedia is, with few exception, representative of the popular consensus and for this reason is generally reliable, although as a dynamic document still unfit to cite. I use Wikipedia a lot, perhaps an unhealthy amount, to a augment my knowledge. Really, it's more like refilling a cup with a hole in it. I use to check out movies before I see them (because I lurve spoilers) and then again after, which is a really weird habit in retrospect. I spent at least an hour reading about zombie movies yesterday morning, you know, because of the Zompire thing. It's a good thing my phone isn't powerful enough to surf, or I'd get some sort of thumb-cramp typing terms into a search box, although I could get that from copious texting anyway. But really, Wikipedia is like having a phone-a-friend with someone who's significantly smarter than the rest of your friends.


There is one topic I've found Wikipedia to be chronically unreliable and that is the world of jazz musicians. Because Wikipedia is dependent on the enthusiasm of its community certain topics are bound to receive more attention than others according to individuals interest. While anyone can edit Wikipedia, it takes a certain degree of commitment to learn the formatting rules and style regulations necessary to create a page that won't receive a speedy delete or an equally grisly fate. Perhaps there aren't many Wikipedians interested in Jazz or it's a low priority or any number of reasons. I stopped trying to use Wikipedia for a biographies of jazz musicians some time ago; there are just so many and such frequent collaboration that it seems unreasonable to expect them to have a detailed discographies and a biographies for anyone but the most influential musicians. And then you have local and regional musicians and so on...

Anyways, local musicians. I just did a wikipedia search for one of my favorite jazz composer/pianist/vocalist since I was listening to one of his songs and it seems, if I am to believe Wikipedia, that he is currently a Portland resident. Now I really want to track down Mr. Frishberg and get him to sign my copy of School House Rock!

Now playing: Dave Frishberg - Z's
via FoxyTunes

Another Undead Post (Now with less links!)

I only just now learned that Facebook has a character limit for their wall posts. This is unfortunate because I composed a post of epic quality (and proportions apparently). More unfortunate is how easily you can accidentally lose everything you wrote to your friend because you apparently didn't have the right box selected when you pressed backspace, navigating away in a heap of text and tears. But this time my carefully crafted comment will not be lost to the aether, although they will probably be read less than if I had actually posted in on their wall. Posting it here seems appropriate anyways as my comment was originally a response to a comment she left on this post, but it grew like so many expanding foam animals in a sink.

The Uno is neat. It's like a Segway with half the wheels and twice the douche-factor! And it's so futuristic!

In my prophetic vision of the future, after the undead have destroyed society as we know it, everyone will ride people movers and wear silver jumpsuits. Humanity lives in an technocratic utopia, which is not all it appears to be. Hordes of undead ghouls have forced mankind to form elaborate catacomb filled mega-cities governed by an abusive, authoritarian power and their mysterious unimotocycled constabulary to mandate a communal mindset and suppress dissent. But in one pristine metropolis, one man is about to make a mess of things....

Prometheus, portrayed by Adam Baldwin, has reinvented the laser pistol, a technology forbidden by the oppressive Council. Prometheus's simple life, and hidden in the Union House of Cremains Production and Distribution begins to unravel when his confidant International 4-8818 (Steve Buscemi) is seized for illegal artistic expression and the Council determines that Prometheus's secret scientific transgressions, forbidden love to Gaea (Zooey Deschanel), and individualistic ideals threaten to corrupt the collectivist mindset they have created. One voice refuses to be silenced in this stunning, futuristic adaptation of Ayn Rand's Anthem. Special guest appearance by Hugo Weaving.

I'm actually kind of glad FaceSpace ate my first draft which just a series of run-on sentences describing a ridiculous (and awesome) chase sequence where Adam Baldwin is pursued by some sort of super-secret soldiers across the megalopolis entirely on Unos with Zooey Deschanel clinging to his back (does the Uno have a back seat?) telling him to Watch out! and generally making things difficult for our hero to both comedic and dramatic effect.

Honestly I didn't care for Anthem when I first read it in ninth grade (mandated), but I actually think this bastardization of the material could work pretty well. Certainly as well as I,Robot did. In my mind, of the aforementioned undead hordes that rise to destroy humanity, the first is Ms. Rand herself as retribution for this idea.

I have mixed feelings towards mandated readings. Towards the end of High School I faked my way through a lot of the readings and I regret that to an extent, depending on the text. Not every book will be as palpable to people as Harry Potter is and then there is the mess of trying to decide the moral and ethical value of the messages a novel contains. That's not even considering the cultural literacy aspect of a novel like Lord of the Flies. You don't want to be that guy who doesn't get the allusion . Although public television in particular, and television in general, are often enough to provide a passing familiarity. Everyone knows Alice fell down a rabbit hole, but no one knows what the hell that damn dodo was talking about. Intentionally, I'm sure.

And there are various degrees of familiarity based on exposure. I can call someone a Boo Radley or Captain Ahab and maybe even an Ender Wiggin and they'll probably (or hopefully) know what I'm talking about but I can't necessarily reference Solanum the way I can Soma and expect someone to understand my intention, although I believe that the novel containing the former was a best seller. I admit, I can't define the parameters of what a best seller is or even ought to be. People often cite the Bible as the best seller, and while I can imagine them being continually printed and distributed, it feels like a misnomer. Maybe my imagination just isn't powerful enough to conjure the staff at Powell's restocking their Bibles. And then the relationship between sales and influence is mysterious as well. Looking through those who's who of literature, I can only claim a few (to my shame) and those that I have I can't say I recall fondly, but I shouldn't make the mistake of ignoring brilliant and revolutionary ideas on account of an authors pedantic, altogether unfamiliar, or otherwise inaccessible writing styles. And just saying a piece of literature was influential, doesn't mean it will be read, even if it is mandated. For example, the Communist Manifesto is on this list of most influential books and wasn't assigned. In fact, of my friends who have read it I know at least one did it purely to seem hip in high school. He also thought it looked amazing as a piece of furniture next to his copy of The Wealth of Nations, the hippness of which I can't recall.

Anyways, I think I've carried this far enough, or even too far. I had planned to conclude with that quote by Mark Twain saying that a classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

And then I wonder why that book opposed to others and I get trapped in a case of circular cause and consequence wondering whether a book was assigned because it was important or important because it was signed. I do the same thing with sideburns sometimes too. Do cooler people have sideburns or do sideburns make you cooler? Is the coolness of a pair of sideburns independent of person wearing them???

I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Promised Pictures

I have mixed feelings towards doing posts like this that are primarily images as I am not a photographer my any stretch and I have trouble filling the gaps and explaining the context. Also, you look really weird whenever you take pictures in public with your phone. It's O.K., folks, I'm a blogger. This is citizen journalism at it's finest.
I don't know what to say. I like duct tape. I made a pair of slippers out of duct tape one time, but my mom threw them away. I was sad for like two days.
I've confessed my love for Amy Adams many times and I was very close to buying one of these coloring books, if only for the gag where I "accidentally" had it mixed in with the other mother's day gifts and then I take it back and am like "whoops" or something. It seemed funnier in my head. Anyways, I'm glad I didn't do it. Also the art really sucked in it.
With the exception of this. Hot.
I knew that once upon a time there existed David Bowie comics, but I was still surprised to see a KISS comic book. I wonder if it ties into their film. I was overcome with curiosity and began flipping through.
The photos are a little blurry, so you can buy it from the publisher here if you want a better image. I'm sure it's well worth it too; just look at the boobs in the next panel!
Don't let the art distract you from the clever dialogs. After you've said the line "He implants chips in us" there really isn't anywhere else to go but an incredibly obtuse euphemism for prostitution: "while we do our...um, thing." I have nothing else to say...
But don't worry. Platinum Studios knows what they're doing. This is a panel from further down the same page. It's a little blurry, but I think I can make out the text: We--We only go by-code names-- He is "Exciter". Also, check out the claws on his giant sausage fingers! There were more boobs and muscle-men fighting later, but I really thought that one page was the moneyshot. Of course, if KISS 4K can't satisfy you you might want to try...
Another Gene Simmons masterpiece! I didn't feel the need to flip through this one; I think the cover pretty much tells the whole story.
I saw these was very tempted to purchase the state of mind that can only come with thorough stool evaluation. It's be a bathroom reader, obviously. The red band on the rightmost book is so you can hang your poop diary from the toilet handle, for your convenience, of course. I'm not sure where you keep your pencil for writing all of your notes:

The pictures inside this pigeon book absolutely blew my mind. The pages were too glossy to capture, but if you see it, take a look for a moment. Pigeon hobbyists (is that the right word?) are at least three times as eccentric as any dog breeder. Unless there is a breed of dog genetically engineered to do backflips and then hunt down raptors to protect their retarded pets, I will never believe otherwise. Plus, you chose pigeons for a pet, so you're already pretty weird to begin with. Just look at how many there are!

Your Beliefs Suck

I didn't sleep very well last night, but I'll get to that. Instead I listened to most of Weekend Edition, which was cute for the holiday, and I sucked at the puzzle, as always. The This I Believe was really stupid though. I mean, I believe in evolution as much as I believe in gravity, perhaps more, but I don't gather any sort of ethical imperative from it. Aside from reproduce with the mate with the the highest possible genetic fitness, of course. While I disagree with Ben Stein's silly Godwin's Law assertion (disclaimer: have not and do not intend to see Expelled) that evolution spawned atheism (PROTIP: morality and theology are not inseparable) and thus the Holocaust or whatever, it is not difficult for me to imagine a regime using a corrupt survival of the fittest rational to justify a doctrine of eugenics. Perhaps for that reason, I was a little put off by the whole essay, or maybe it was that she seemed just so smug to be an paleoanthropologist.

But whatever. It's called This I Believe not Your Beliefs Suck, although I think that would be a great program to listen to, too. Someday, when I decide what I want to believe in (Unicorns!), I plan to submit one, because why not?

The Post That Refused to Die

If you still think zombies are funny you should imagine yourself wrapped in the cold embrace of a putrid ghoul about to devour your brains while your helpless family members look on in a hopeless agony.

Because today is Mother's Day, I spent an inordinate amount of time yesterday shopping for the perfect gift (3+ hours). This could be blamed, in part, on how she is difficult to shop for, but really, I just like to look at stuff. Perhaps I'm just a little naive or sheltered or whatever, but I am always amazed by the sheer diversity of consumer goods. Whoa, they make that? What is that for? Hey, look at that thing! No, that other thing! Oooh, that thing has numbers on it! I don't know why, but I find it highly enjoyable. Plus, I like to roll around on the smooth tile floors. I took some pictures of some of my favorite items for you, the reader! I'll upload these later with some snarky commentary.

I like shopping alone because I can go at my own leisurely pace and take all the detours I'd like without inconveniencing whomever with my impulsive erraticism. I also tend to wander off in stores and that can be a little awkward at times. But I don't really like attending events alone. In my experience events like the Faux Film Festival are enhanced by the presence of a peer. I can recall easily (perhaps painfully so) a time when I won tickets to the Dew Action Sports Tour for being a Glorious Bastard and could find absolutely no one* willing to take the second ticket. Although I try to spin this as a dislike of extreme sports coupled with the short notice I gave the invitation rather than evidence of some hidden and unsavory characteristic(s), I found myself in a similar situation last night (perhaps lending credibility to the later?). While I initially found this quite disturbing, it proved to be a boon as open seats were difficult to find, especially in the dark theater, a trouble which would have been multiplied by multiples (I was able to get an amazing seat during the BMX Park finals at AST because of this issue and a last minute seat at a Blue Man Group concert). I had also been very nervous as I don't usually hold up very well under tense situations or intensely dramatic moments (I stopped watching Desperate Housewives a few years ago to reduce my intrigue intake; also because my then-roommates thought it was too decadent for our sanctuary from sin or whatever). I'm both very jumpy and slightly ticklish; a poor combination (I'm using a lot of parenthetical remarks today) and it is my understanding that horror films are generally best viewed in the company of the fairer sex. So, yeah...

I've written a few times about my fascination with zombies, even writing a rather poor paper on the mythological nature of the undead for an English class (which received the comment "when will they rise???" on a peer review sheet). It is a morbid curiosity and, in actuality, I am rather terrified of zombies and what they represent. Terrified is the wrong word. If I were really concerned with apocalyptic preparedness, I'd have planned and prepared for a Stage 3 Outbreak by now (also probably the whole spirituality thing). Given my Mormon family's emphasis on food storage I think we could handle up to that point although we'd only have melee weapons at our disposal. I've pushed for a domestic firearm for disaster situations, but nothing yet. Maybe I'm more concerned about Z-day than I thought, or it's just a residual affect of scouting.

In any case, once I found out about Zompire, I had to go. Given that my prior experience with zombie film had been Shawn of the Dead, Fido, and the thirty second re-enactment, I wasn't sure what to expect. I know it should be more given how much I liked World War Z (a must read!) and everything, but I believe I've mentioned both the mild stigma I feel watching movies alone (supposing they can hold my attention long enough to finish) and that I'm kind of a huge baby, but not like that. I don't actively avoid watching movies alone, although it is always preferable with company, but I'm not sure I will ever be able to shake the image of my father watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants alone in his room when no one else would join him. It still strikes me as all sorts of weird (even after hearing him ask my mother if a certain pair of jeans "made his butt look fat") and remains a pinnacle of pitiful that sadly remains married to the thought of solo film delectation.

Anyways, I ended up going alone and I staved off my apprehension through compulsive text messaging. So-much-so that my mobile blog was flagged by a security feature meant to prevent blog spam and reduce server stress through use of a captcha, which I can't do from my phone. The timer has expired so I can once enjoy my mobile post masturbation (yay for text message post delivery confirmation!). Luckily, a majority of the short films were lighthearted, comedic, and even satirical. Did I mention weird? They were all weird. A couple were incredibly gripping, and most all were entertaining, though there were a few others which were trying hard to be something, with various levels of success. You can tell from some of the directors' comment on the festival's website how lofty a metaphor they think their zombies can stand, hobble, and moan for. Example:
Burying the Ex is a metaphor for a seemingly ever-present ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend and the baggage we must deal with when a relationship comes to an end. In Burying the Ex even the grave can't hold a jilted lover who's learned that their ex has found someone new...
That's not fair, because I kind of enjoyed that one (Danielle Harris is a very attractive woman) and it had the kid from Freaks and Geeks. These (figurative) zombies elicited more groans of horror than screams of fright, but that could not be said of the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead, which I enjoyed, but Oh God, why are they running? Oh God, they aren't supposed to be running! Make them stop! Ahhh! For the record, I never actually screamed and no one can prove otherwise. My only regret, besides arriving slightly late, was that I was not able to watch the entirety of Wasting Away (stupid public transit schedules!) and it will be difficult to procure.

Anyways, that is why I did not sleep well last night. Also, I didn't get home until 2 am and then Liane Hansen woke me up at the ungodly hour of 6 am.

*That I wanted to hang out with.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Sexy Ribbit

Every year my mother has asked for a the same thing for Mother's Day: a clean and peaceful home. She has never once received it. This year, she gave up and told us not to get her anything, but I'm pretty certain that she'd still enjoy those things if they could be managed and is just preparing to marginalize her disappointment. While it's obvious I can't influence my siblings to do good things, I ought to clean a little to maintain my most favored child status. While I'm not a naturally tidy person, I actually kind of like picking up things, putting things away, looking at things, and occasionally vacuuming, but I absolutely loath scrubbing things (strangely dishes more than toilets). My solution to laundry is just to own a ridiculous amount of clothes. Today cleaning was especially rewarding. It's not quite as good as my brother's homework, but it still made me laugh (sexy frog!).

Please contact me if you find any of the frogs' missing limbs.

I'm not sure why she chose frogs to doodle in what I assume to be a very boring health class. I doubt she was trying to rift off some sort of sperm-tadpole-frog motif. Maybe she was trying to be ironic? Oh. Now it's not so funny anymore. Dammit...

Friday, May 09, 2008


I should probably go through and tag all my past blog posts that deal with ADHD now that I've realized I have so many.

I haven't written as much recently, a fact I've acknowledged, as I've found myself in an entirely unexpected situation: having somewhat of a social life. As you know, this is diametrically opposed to the blogosphere. In any case, there have a few things I've been meaning to write about that I simply haven't, but I think the time has come.

I just reread an essay I wrote a year and a half ago (has it been so long?). Why am I mentioning it? Firstly, because I think it's a damn fine piece of creative nonfiction and probably one of my best assigned works. Although, I think it really needs a follow-up and could use a few edits (especially links for the blog post). Second, because it relates to what I want to discuss. Doping. Sorta. Not really. Whatever.

A few weeks ago, Wired (anagram of weird!) did a few pieces on brain enhancing medications. I made a note to write about them later (see: procrastination). This was also about the same time they ran those terrible profiles of people at ROFLCon, for which they may never redeem themselves. At first, I was a little appalled that they seemed to be condoning the abuse of the medical system, which is arguably broken. I should also disclose that at this time, and until perhaps recently, I had sworn off prescription medications to manage my attention-deficit disorder. The context for this must be explained:

Wait, I'm not sure I've ever mentioned this before on here. Maybe I have. I continue...

I stopped taking medications sometime last fall (I think mid-September) for multiple reasons. This was right after my girlfriend of four-years broke up with me and I had decided I did not wish to return to BYU-Idaho, but had not put in a transfer application in time to anywhere else (since fixed; yay!). I saw this as an opportunity to for introspection, self-evaluation, and so on. Find out who I really am, beneath it all. That sort of thing. If you really want more background, I think I wrote about the decision here, here, and here.

I think I've reached some conclusions. First of all, I really love Mountain Dew. Secondly, my 4.0, although at a community college, attests that I can still function academically in my liber state to some degree. This was something I was very worried about. A dependency on a medication? Like some sort of freak? That was a joke, really.

That essay, which feels so ancient now with all this new perspective, mentions that I can talk excessively for periods. Take notice, please, that there is actually a word for verbal diarrhea. This isn't a problem when you've no one to talk to but becomes a significant issue when you text your friend's girlfriend in disbelief that he had just let slip how just how affectionate she was, or something similar to that sequence of events because you can't really recall exactly what happened because everyone started yelling and you didn't understand why, or when you write run-on sentences in blogger. Yeah, I actually did that. I can't use the emoticon =/ hard enough.

While this was probably (hopefully?) the worst thing I've done like that (although I can't be certain), it was not the first and I intend to make it the last. Ooo, dramatic.

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