Is there anything more pathetic than searching for a specific commercial on Youtube? What about blogging about it?

What exactly is this belt holding up?

I have a confession: I bought one of those belt buckle knives (not the confederate one!). It arrived earlier this week with the lovely warning: This product contains a chemical known to the state of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm. Awesome.

I suppose I should expect as much; it was made in China. But my real problem has been, how do I get these congenital birth defects to my potential offspring if I don't have a belt that it will fit? I clearly missed an opportunity to buy an awesome belt as an accessory if I had to buy a new belt anyways, although I can't be sure the two types of belts would have gotten along. In any case, I needed a new belt. I decided Target's website might be a good place to look.

It wasn't.

Perhaps I should have been more specific than simply belt, which returned some 368 results not including the Books, Music, Videos + DVDs brought to you by amazon.com. Thanks, guys! However, had I done that I never would have stumbled upon this. I didn't even know they made these anymore, on account of them being bogus. I mean, I'd seen them briefly in some Target ads but I figured it intended as some kitschy throwback to a simpler time like all their commercial pseudohallucinations. But apparently that same company make a variety of fitness products that will vibrate you to good health. Sure.

As of this writing, the search continues.