More Enjoyable Sex

There are a few personal reasons I don't like shopping at Big 5 Sporting Goods, but they are having a sale. Actually, three sales compounded. Yay for holidays!

• It awakens my latent boyscout nature and I instantly wish to go camping/prepare for apocalypse (same problem with REI)
  
• The floor is carpeted
• I see too many things I want, but do not need
  
• I feel too inadequate in my knowledge of sporting and fitnessing to shop there
  
• I am always tempted to ask which of the firearms they sell could pierce a human skull
• A girl I knew in high school works there and I try to avoid people I do not like
  

Currently, I am looking at their fitness orbs, which seem to be on sale as four different products. I really don't know enough to make an informed decision, which is probably fine since I only sit on this one and pretend to be Dwight. I was debating whether it was worth it to go try to differentiate them when I saw this. Now I must go.