36 people are not a fan. Become a fan.

I've written about FaceSpace many times before and I don't have much time to elaborate on how I love this, but perhaps you will also enjoy it.

My parents are dead!

I'm experiencing a blend of accomplishment and shame. It took me quite a while, but I managed to size down an ascii Batman to fit in that trite little box Facebook put under profile pictures. Behold:

(`I'M_THE_`)oo.ooo.oooooooo
(`GODDAMN`)ol\__\ooooooo
(_BATMAN!_)ool#ò_ó\oooooo
ooooooooo\,\ool#[~_] ooooo
ooooooooo____l# '- \___ooo
oooooooo/.-------.___.----'\oo
ooooooo//#####___###\ooo
ooooo//###.-.#(w¥w)#/ooo
oooool'l##/\:###.--##/#\oo

!

I wish I could say it looks better on Facebook, but it doesn't really. One of many recent complaints with Facebook. Foremost of them: why is there a like button but no dislike button? I want to disprove of my friends actions through the electronic ether. Seperated by space, but not from condescension!

Come back with that statue!

This made me laugh a little bit.

Today has been weird. On Facebook, I found the profile of one of my current professors after he half-jokingly said he wanted to be my friend on Facebook. I assumed he was joking when he said he had one, but now I'm tempted to add him. I also stumbled on the profile of my elementary school music teacher. She's friends with someone I knew in high school. I'm still reeling from the friend request from my aunt.

Aside from these things I've spent the day counting some fruitflys and reading about a genetic origin of homosexuality. Then I spent some time trying to find this awesome sculpture at DIA on Google Earth, but it hasn't been updated. I'm a little embarassed to say, I think I found the house from the latest Real World. I think maybe later I might try to find a whale.

Oh, and this.

Another Undead Post (Now with less links!)

I only just now learned that Facebook has a character limit for their wall posts. This is unfortunate because I composed a post of epic quality (and proportions apparently). More unfortunate is how easily you can accidentally lose everything you wrote to your friend because you apparently didn't have the right box selected when you pressed backspace, navigating away in a heap of text and tears. But this time my carefully crafted comment will not be lost to the aether, although they will probably be read less than if I had actually posted in on their wall. Posting it here seems appropriate anyways as my comment was originally a response to a comment she left on this post, but it grew like so many expanding foam animals in a sink.

The Uno is neat. It's like a Segway with half the wheels and twice the douche-factor! And it's so futuristic!

In my prophetic vision of the future, after the undead have destroyed society as we know it, everyone will ride people movers and wear silver jumpsuits. Humanity lives in an technocratic utopia, which is not all it appears to be. Hordes of undead ghouls have forced mankind to form elaborate catacomb filled mega-cities governed by an abusive, authoritarian power and their mysterious unimotocycled constabulary to mandate a communal mindset and suppress dissent. But in one pristine metropolis, one man is about to make a mess of things....

Prometheus, portrayed by Adam Baldwin, has reinvented the laser pistol, a technology forbidden by the oppressive Council. Prometheus's simple life, and hidden in the Union House of Cremains Production and Distribution begins to unravel when his confidant International 4-8818 (Steve Buscemi) is seized for illegal artistic expression and the Council determines that Prometheus's secret scientific transgressions, forbidden love to Gaea (Zooey Deschanel), and individualistic ideals threaten to corrupt the collectivist mindset they have created. One voice refuses to be silenced in this stunning, futuristic adaptation of Ayn Rand's Anthem. Special guest appearance by Hugo Weaving.

I'm actually kind of glad FaceSpace ate my first draft which just a series of run-on sentences describing a ridiculous (and awesome) chase sequence where Adam Baldwin is pursued by some sort of super-secret soldiers across the megalopolis entirely on Unos with Zooey Deschanel clinging to his back (does the Uno have a back seat?) telling him to Watch out! and generally making things difficult for our hero to both comedic and dramatic effect.

Honestly I didn't care for Anthem when I first read it in ninth grade (mandated), but I actually think this bastardization of the material could work pretty well. Certainly as well as I,Robot did. In my mind, of the aforementioned undead hordes that rise to destroy humanity, the first is Ms. Rand herself as retribution for this idea.

I have mixed feelings towards mandated readings. Towards the end of High School I faked my way through a lot of the readings and I regret that to an extent, depending on the text. Not every book will be as palpable to people as Harry Potter is and then there is the mess of trying to decide the moral and ethical value of the messages a novel contains. That's not even considering the cultural literacy aspect of a novel like Lord of the Flies. You don't want to be that guy who doesn't get the allusion . Although public television in particular, and television in general, are often enough to provide a passing familiarity. Everyone knows Alice fell down a rabbit hole, but no one knows what the hell that damn dodo was talking about. Intentionally, I'm sure.

And there are various degrees of familiarity based on exposure. I can call someone a Boo Radley or Captain Ahab and maybe even an Ender Wiggin and they'll probably (or hopefully) know what I'm talking about but I can't necessarily reference Solanum the way I can Soma and expect someone to understand my intention, although I believe that the novel containing the former was a best seller. I admit, I can't define the parameters of what a best seller is or even ought to be. People often cite the Bible as the best seller, and while I can imagine them being continually printed and distributed, it feels like a misnomer. Maybe my imagination just isn't powerful enough to conjure the staff at Powell's restocking their Bibles. And then the relationship between sales and influence is mysterious as well. Looking through those who's who of literature, I can only claim a few (to my shame) and those that I have I can't say I recall fondly, but I shouldn't make the mistake of ignoring brilliant and revolutionary ideas on account of an authors pedantic, altogether unfamiliar, or otherwise inaccessible writing styles. And just saying a piece of literature was influential, doesn't mean it will be read, even if it is mandated. For example, the Communist Manifesto is on this list of most influential books and wasn't assigned. In fact, of my friends who have read it I know at least one did it purely to seem hip in high school. He also thought it looked amazing as a piece of furniture next to his copy of The Wealth of Nations, the hippness of which I can't recall.

Anyways, I think I've carried this far enough, or even too far. I had planned to conclude with that quote by Mark Twain saying that a classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

And then I wonder why that book opposed to others and I get trapped in a case of circular cause and consequence wondering whether a book was assigned because it was important or important because it was signed. I do the same thing with sideburns sometimes too. Do cooler people have sideburns or do sideburns make you cooler? Is the coolness of a pair of sideburns independent of person wearing them???

I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.

Fatosphere is a horrible name. I would have called it the rotundosphere

Yo? Get it? Get it? Tok-yo Hotel. Come on...

I was only planned to check my facespace and leave this to power up, but I got a little distracted. I don't even have my mouse plugged in, so we'll keep this brief. I was already aware of cell-phone novels, which is an intriguing concept, although I could never do it (I can never remember what I say in my text messages just seconds after). But the other terms are much more interesting, especially the gender-neutral pronoun yo. I really dig that. I'm going to look for more gender-ambiguous situations so I can use it.

I've got a fever

Sadly, I missed Walken's performance last week on SNL and haven't bothered to check out the highlights. While I've made a habit of watching my favorite shows the day-after, I don't with late night programs. I suppose I've come to the conclusion that there will always be more (and similar) content later to enjoy. I'm actually referring to viral marketing.

I've become a sneezer. Or I fear I have. Maybe I am just sharing things I love with people I love and there's nothing inherently wrong with that, certainly. The product I shared wasn't engineered to be contagious, or rather, it didn't seem overtly so, but I still decided to make a comment on FaceSpace about it. I was infected.

I recall the first time I heard that buzzword, viral. It was in regards to a Pepsi Superbowl ad. It was 2005 and people were figuring out how to use the Internet. I don't think it was intentional, just lucky casting, but Mandy Amano was a hit and everyone praised Pepsi for being awesome and whatever. Then people started trying to do it on purpose instead of letting it happen. Viral isn't just a buzzword, it's a goal.

I feel all jaded, unnecessarily. I'm torn as it if I should even mention the site that has inspired this fulmination or if that would be somehow immoral. Would it be a service to them or an exploitation of myself or both? The line of questioning continues logically until I wonder: just how lame am I being now?

Fortunately, GoogleAds answers my question. While I don't use them on this blag, I'm somewhat tempted to, just to find out what it would direct people to. It also told me where I can find Local Emo Guys & Girls and ringtones(!), although I like the one I have.

I probably wouldn't be so worked up about this whole thing if I hadn't discovered that the Ask a Ninja guys make over $100,000 a month in ad revenue for a format they lifted from the Brothers Chaps. I don't know if I grew tired of the format(I can't remember the last time I watched Strong Bad) or quality became poorer, but I stopped watching after episode 65, which had been preceded by long absences between episodes which waned interest. Its difficult to compromise my love of Very Tasteful and adoration of Crista Flanagan with usual disdain for vloggers and my reluctance to recommend but I'll console myself with the thought that no one actually reads this and even less follow the links.

And, of course, by writing this at all, I've only stoked the fire.

Gross! I feel like Randall Munroe!

I woke up a short time ago. I slept much longer than I had planned. There was one dream about going cycling with a girl I've had a crush on since elementary school and another about Spider-girl having the venom symbiote, or something. I don't really remember. Things are still hazy. This will be fun.

Whenever I have a dream about someone, I feel compelled to tell them the next day. It's a weird compulsion, I know. I usually resist the temptation to write something retarded on their FaceSpace wall, although I write foolish things on everyone's walls, including my own. Given that I am blogging about it now, it is clear: I have no established custom regarding my stupidity. In any case, I imagine that it would not be as flattering to tell a pretty girl that I had a dream featuring her as I would like to imagine.

In short, I have no idea what girls want, aside from proper dental hygiene.

Fortunately, I can take solace with my heterogametic brothers; no one knows! It is a scientific mystery! I am referring to the Nature special I watched last night, What Females Want. The second half, What Males Will Do, is on next Sunday and I encourage you to watch the spectacle of showboating and rejection throughout the animal kingdom. The bower bird remains a personal favorite of mine.

Females, as always, remain free to contact me for the purpose of enlightenment.

Gifts that Give

You can see how a man like this might be easily fooled.

What makes me sadder than learning of a celebrity death? Knowing that I had not properly anticipated their demise. Honestly, I thought he had died some time ago and feel a little silly for not checking. Besides, I only had room for ten people. I should talk about something more upbeat.

I wrote last week about a simple April Fool's Day prank I had performed. I had let it linger for a bit for realism and to verify that I had caught a fool. I didn't expect to catch another. Lifted from my FaceSpace:

I'm actually curious how you're doing as a whole. I've been somewhat keeping track of your status changes and relationship status and I want to know if you're doing okay.

And after I replied, "I WIN! That was April Fool's. You are number three." He continued:

I figured it was an April Fool's prank, but part of me considered you might actually be dating Rachel, so I withheld complete judgment on it until just now, thus giving you Epic Win. I did ask my girlfriend if she was just working with you to pull off the most eleborate and cruel April Fool's prank ever and had part of myself prepared if on April 1st she just yelled "April Fool's bitch!" and dumped me. Luckily she did not do that. I'm convinced it's coming next year, thus making it 80 times more eleborate and cruel.

He's wrong, of course; It would only be 52 times as cruel.

It's Complicated

I changed my relationship status on Facespace to In a relationship for today. That will change at midnight to It's complicated until the joke resolves itself. I received the brilliant comment of "?". That made it all worthwhile. For that reason, the joke will persist overnight.

jedisteve101 (11:02:37 PM): what's with the in relationship thing?
The Saxy Poet (11:02:51 PM): i met someone
jedisteve101 (11:02:58 PM): who?
The Saxy Poet (11:03:02 PM): her name is April
jedisteve101 (11:03:14 PM): lemme guess
jedisteve101 (11:03:19 PM): April Fools
The Saxy Poet (11:03:23 PM): i win!

The Magic is in the Links

I'm going to have to keep this post short before the cat tries to sit on my laptop again. This gets the typical response from internet friends.

I just finished watching the second half of Bush's War that I taped from PBS. Will the vocubulary change now that we no longer use tapes to record? It was very good, and very detailed. I found the first half much more insightful that the second, perhaps because I was in high school during the Bush's first term and was greatly concerned with events, while the second half dealt with the execution of the war rather than the run-up which took place largely behind closed doors. I found the entire thing rather unsettling, not unlike another Frontline Special. I don't really want to go on about how I view the present administration, but I recommend Frontline for anyone who can sit through the 4+ hours of content in this case. I especially enjoy the intense zoom into the black and white photos for dramatic effect. That never gets old.

Angelica Thornton just spilled water on herself during a break. Hot.

Nightline has a special on about Gorda, California. It's actually quite charming. Well, not the story, but the people.

Lastly, am I the only one who finds watching the relationship status changes on FaceSpace absolutely fascinating? Even for people I only marginally care about, it's fun to try and piece together the mystery.

This post has rounded itself off rather nicely. I am pleased.

All Hail! King of the Losers!

I had an exciting day yesterday. I went on a date with a lesbian yesterday. This is not entirely true, but I love heuristics and it makes for a better story. Especially the part where we went to Powell's and she asked me what kind of books I like and I while I was at a loss, she quickly volunteered that she was a fan of books found in the purple section. She also found my use of Heelys absolutely hilarious and we had a conversation about the amazing belt buckle knife and local gun law. I shall stop my description here, because I am a gentleman. I am very glad I participated in this experience if for no other reason than replay value, a phrase I am using in the wrong context. Also, it was enjoyable. A date with a lesbian is the gift that keeps on giving.

After this I went to debrief with a friend. His response was, of course, to repeatedly shake his head and say, "I can't believe you went on a date with a lesbian," while we played Guitar Hero and cruised the FaceSpace. He must have said that at least fifteen times while we talked about how hot Kari Byron is. He also tried to teach me the proper use of FaceSpace, or at very least, check profiles more thoroughly. I'll get right on it.

Shut your Facebook!

I am in a pretty good mood today. You probably would be too, if your day consisted almost entirely of slack, as my Thursdays usually are. That said, I can't help but feel a little rebuffed by something which recently came to my attention. It is, of course, nothing of great importance, but when your days consist of thinking about video games, Arrested Development, and volcanoes (usually in that order) small things seem more significant.

Given my good mood, I ventured to open an email that I would usually classify as spam, since it is generated by a facebook application. It was one of those "compare people" applications. I rarely use it. I rarely use any of the applications actually. And I really should get rid of one of wall functions I have on there that don't really do anything. Most of them exist as some sort of virulent personality test that I have no interest in. Ideally, we'd know the people we are friends with intimately enough to know their basic ideologies and favorite movies, books, television series, politicians, quotes, deities, and historical figures (Meriwether Lewis for the win!). I also like to consider myself a humorous person. Whether I succeed at this, I don't feel fair to judge. But I try and like to think people know that I make an effort to make them laugh and whatnot. Perhaps this has some part in why I was so taken back to learn:


WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE?? I AM ZERO PERCENT FUNNY?! ZERO MOTHERFUCKING PERCENT?? I HATE YOU ALL!!!

There.

Now supposing anyone reads this, that should boost my score for "crazier". Which is already at 100%, but with only 1 vote. THE SAME 1 VOTE THAT SAYS I AM ZERO PERCENT FUNNY!!!

I'll now spend the next 6 posts denying that I really care that much about this. But seriously, I want to know who I was up against that caused me to lose, twice. I'm dwelling on this too much. I'll just rationalize it by saying that everyone just votes for the person they like more anyways.

Anyways, following this discovery, I went on a tirade to all 2 of the people I bother to talk to on aim, venting and the whatnot. I decided to go through and have what I thought in the moment to be a subtle sort of revenge: catharsis through that same compare friends application. It was going well until I hit this question:

This struck me as humorous in a plethora of ways. Some background information will be required. I will say that the girl on the left embodies many of the qualities I consider ideal in a mate (one of which is laughing at my jokes). The one on the right was a freshman when I was a senior in high school and appears to have filled out rather nicely, as I was telling Steve. I'm trying to find a way to describe this without making me sound like a complete bastard. That is probably not going to happen. Rather than an exhausting summation that will fail to redeem my image, I will present this article of conversation with my pal Steeeve with whom I first shared the capture and my juvenile quips.

The Saxy Poet: i was just in the band room

jedisteve101: i am sober

The Saxy Poet: i am glad

The Saxy Poet: it was interesting talking to you last night

The Saxy Poet: it was weird to go back into the band room

The Saxy Poet: it was CHOMP night

The Saxy Poet: it was super weird running into Kirsten's Mom

The Saxy Poet: oh lawd

jedisteve101: lol

The Saxy Poet: the first thing i noticed was how attractive Aimee Ketsdever has become

The Saxy Poet: she was volunteering and whatnot

The Saxy Poet: anyways

The Saxy Poet: look at what facebook just presented

jedisteve101: lol

jedisteve101: how old is she?

The Saxy Poet: 18, i believe

The Saxy Poet: senior

jedisteve101: alright alright

ATTENTION: Transfer complete: compare people.JPG.

The Saxy Poet: take a look

jedisteve101: no

jedisteve101: no way

jedisteve101: that's what it came up with

The Saxy Poet: yeah

The Saxy Poet: just came up

The Saxy Poet: i was like

The Saxy Poet: wtffffffffffffffffffffff

jedisteve101: what's your answer?

The Saxy Poet: i haven't yet!

The Saxy Poet: i mean

The Saxy Poet: both would be preferable

God. I'm a creep.

Sharing with Friends

Ooh, just noticed the ScribeFire update kick in. Very pretty. I haven't decided if I'm going to add this application to my facebook yet. It looks neat, but I get weary right here:

• DoubleTwist also forces you to create an online account, which
  means your activity is traceable should DoubleTwist ever get
  subpoenaed.
  

Which seems fairly probable. Although I really like the idea of unlocking the songs iTunes has locked away.

Share MP3s With Your Facebook Friends Using DoubleTwist - Wired How-To Wiki

Marriage Gift

I recently learned a friend of mine is getting married. At age 20. I know, right? It gets worse: I learned about this through Facebook.

Motherfucking Facebook!

Anyways, supposing I decide to go (it would be all sorts of awkward!) I would probably be expected to bring a gift and whatever. There are any number of awkward gifts I could get, but I think this one would be the most socially responsible:

Costco - ONE® Condoms

If only they came in larger packages than 40 yield...

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Pink Ranger's Myspace

It's not as cool as the Black Ranger's myspace, because she didn't completely fade into obscurity following the show (remember Suzie Q with Jimmy Olsen?) and makes music or something. Eh, I'll probably still send a friend request.

Here's how she describes herself in the About section:

I fluctuate from happy to sad more than five times in one day and I always enjoy the ride… When I want something I focus my entire being in that direction and either it’s a win or it’s a failure but at least I definitely tried… I do better alone than with a partner… I hope for magic and live in a daydream… I love to break the rules for the sake of an interesting life… I do nothing small… probably because I am… I flow with creative passion and jump from project to project chasing the wave of inspiration… Happiness to me is an important part of this great adventure… happiness to me is when I am in the flow of living in harmony with my insides… Happiness to me is when my brain doesn’t run the ship… is when I am on autopilot… when wisdom is silence.

Oddly, that's sort of what I expected.

MySpace.com - Amy Jo Johnson - Cape Cod, US - Folk Rock / Indie / Folk - www.myspace.com/amyjojohnsonmusic

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The Black Ranger's Myspace

I love the internet! This is the personal website of Walter Emanuel Jones, best know as the Black Ranger of Mighty Morphin fame. It bothered me intensely that he had the power of the mastodon, which is not a dinosaur. Neither is saber-tooth tiger. And a pterodactyl is a pterosaur.

His profile picture:



MySpace.com - Walter - 101 - Male - LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - www.myspace.com/walter_jones

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Gay Moment

I'm totally gay for The Office. I haven't seen the new GAP advertising campaign featuring John Krasinski, but when I saw there was a facebook group for it, I couldn't resist joining it. I am now a member of the group I walked past The Gap just to see the picture of John Krasinski. I need to reaffirm my masculinity in someway now.

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Ellen Feiss

Years ago, there was a commercial. It was a really good commercial. You probably remember it.


She sorta looks like this girl I had a crush on in middle school.

I exercised a little search-fu, quickly learning her name was misspelled on that Youtube video and that she was in an French short film called Bed and Breakfast. She's approximately the same age as me, and thus likely to be socially networked. It probably wouldn't be to difficult to find her actual dox, but I always find the fake stuff so much more interesting. Her top friends include Carl Winslow and Mr Skin. There were several fakies, as there often are with (in)famous individuals (I have Gob from Arrested Development on mine) like Stephen Colbert, but this was the most substantial of the lot:

MySpace.com - Ellen - 20 - Female - San Jose, California - www.myspace.com/ellenfeiss

Worst Myspace Ad I've ever seen

Adverts

My sister is a dirty link clicker. She followed one from Myspace. I hope she never wants to have a Zwinky, or whatever they are. The shirts are seldom clever, the only one being this clever Fresh Prince temperature gag. But damn, it's hard to navigate away from this face:


Snorg Tees - New Funny T-Shirts Every Week (Vintage T-Shirt, Cool Graphic Tee Shirts) -

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