Waffling in THREE dimensions.

Friday, October 28, 2005

I look like a jackass in these rainbow shorts

Nothing too exciting happening in my world. Midterms were this week, and my calculus grade is probably shit, but i won't let it grind me down. We're studying Motivation and Emotion in psychology right now, which is wonderful. I'm really enjoying it; watching a room full of mormons uncomfortably watch some rats copulate is on my list of favorite rexburg moments. Also the professor calling a girl in class who was dating a future missionary [opposed to a returned missionary] a "wicked temptress". I personally would have expanded it into "wicked temptress of the flesh, debaucher of the souls of men, Lucifer's seducer of sin, Hell's burning excrement of fiery passion that no herpes ointment can cure". That may be slightly over the top, but that's me. I love hyperbole. King of the Hill had some great satire about that sort of thing in their Halloween episode. Bobby gets tricked into going to some christian hallelujah party (opposed to obviously satanic halloween festivities elseware) and they show some teenagers on a park bench making out, and then the next slide shows them together...IN A MAUSOLEUM....DEAD! I love that show. I need to get it on Dvd. Also, I think through classical conditioning, the sympathetic nervous system can be trained to ejaculate on cue. I think this is the trick porn stars use. I'm not sure what stimulus they use, I'm sure its different for each of them. I imagine they use some mental thought to trigger it, opposed to a stimulus like a bright light in their eyes or being touched in a certain place...say.. on the elbow (which could lead to various humorus situations, especially in the subways and other crowded areas). I know its possible to classically condition physical arousal to an neutral stimulus, Matt did it to the Star Wars movies, and a character on Bash.org masturbated in the shower so often that he would get an erection when it rained. Those may not be the best things to train your penis to respond to, but I can think of much worse things, for example, balloons. That'd pretty much screw up any birthday parties you go to for a while. On the plus side, you could pioneer the exciting new field of balloon animal bestiality. I'm not certain if I spelled that correctly, and don't want to verify the spelling online and get my computer flagged by the system admin. Interestingly, the first word the blogger spellcheck suggests is "postulated". Hmm.. Now who wants to try it? Same basic process as classical conditioning, the hardest part would probably be relating ejaculation to a stimulus exclusively, if that is possible. If so, it would probably still be accompanied by the other symptoms of arousal (dilated eyes, increased heart rate, adrenaline, et cedera). But hey, as long as it was immediate, right? Of course, this could prove to be extremely addicting, and also very profitable in the porn industry. They're always looking for men who can "perform on demand" according to Reefer Madness. I haven't given the whole idea a great deal of thought, as it's conception was only slightly before writing this. If anyone gives it a shot, I'd like to hear how it turns out. This sort of thing makes me want to switch my major and become an experimental psychologist. I bet I could totally condition monkeys to masturbate when they watch Conan O'Brien. Better yet, make that bears. Masturbating bears watching the masturbating bear. That's poetry.

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