Waffling in THREE dimensions.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Today I made a life changing decision based on very poor information

Today is the 31st. Which means I will no longer be using Clone High quotations as subject lines. No one cares about that.
I think my sister killed my iguana. I'm trying not to let it bother me. I'm simply bad with pets. I know I didn't have as much to do with this one's demise (it was sick when we got him and never fully recovered) and I kept it around for at least a year more than it would have otherwise. But man, it still hurts a little. Especially since it was probably due to something really silly that he finally expired, like not misting the cage daily or something. I don't know, its starting to make me teary.
I lifted a huge load off my chest today; I withdrew from calculus. After getting 40 out of 107 possible on the last exam, the professor actually suggested it. He's pretty awesome and I feel bad for not taking full advantage of everything he offers. I think I'll continue going to his class, he invited me, what a nice guy. All in all, I feel very relieved about not having to worry about failing the class any longer, as i surely would have.
Maybe I'll get an ant-farm or a nice friendly chiapet or some other plant. I might do okay with those. Plus I could maybe train the ants. I'd feel less bad about their deaths as they aren't individuals and i've had some run ins with them before.
The calculus class was one of the few things I really admired about this campus, well, not the course, but the teacher's flexibility and dedication to student's individual success. It left me with a very good first impression of the campus. However, great pressure has been relieved from me in its removal from my schedule. This campus has a palpable constriction to it. From the inability to watch family guy, to the requirement of religion classes, to a dresscode Jesus wouldn't fit, this place is confinded. Doesn't help that its built in the middle of nowhere. The religion is one of strict rules and obiediance, which I was somewhat delighted to hear has a negative affect on some students with perhaps up to 40% at risk for eating disorders. We talked about it a little today in psychology class, the professor was hesitant to give any numbers, and i inferred that one from spontaneous generation. Anyways, the religion is suffocating at times. I should be used to this sort of pressure by now. Hell, I track and schedule my day around the drugs I take. I was going to tie that in with pressure in a clever way, but the drugs have worn off by now, and it's not worth the effort. Anyways, I just want some more relief from the pressure, probably won't get any. Thats why I play video games. City of Heroes was an escape. I miss it. "This ain't no ice cream social"...whine whine whine

1 comment:

Writer Wannabe said...

Dude

I happened upon your blog and have read some of what you have posted. You have given enough info about yourself for one to piece together a little bit of a picture.

You have some incredible honesty going here. I wonder who knows the real you. Do you? What about your parents? What about your friends?

You have a contempt for organized religion, particularly authoritarian, obedience demanding religions. Yet oddly enough, you appear to have chosen to remain affixed to what I suspect is the religion of your heritage. There aren't too many religions that are more authoritarian, self-sacrifice demanding, and obedience to leadership demanding than that that is represented at the university in Rexburg, Idaho. You have contempt for it, why not separate yourself from it? Or are you merely putting on a show for the readers of your blog?

Perhaps, like many, you may have some fears of separating yourself from the religion of your parents. What will they think? Will they withdraw financial support from you while you are in school? Will you hurt their feelings and make them feel guilty? What about your friends who share your religion? These are real questions that haunt many.

As for your apparent pre-occupation with sex, well, assuming your self-description is accurate, you are 18. For a guy at age 18, sex only occupies about 40 minutes of every 60 minutes of thought, so if you have no willing partners, take care of yourself. There is frustration in no partners, but there is probably worse frustration if you are not taking care of yourself.

Are you interested in escaping the chains of your authoritarian religion? Respond accordingly, and I will point you to a few discussion boards that can help you with your disengagement, even while attending the Rexburg school. If you really are not interested in separating yourself, why put on the facade that you hate your religion?

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